Joanne Hughes Coaching

Lifestyle Strategist specializing in Anxiety Relief

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5 Truths About Anxiety You May Not Have Known

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Anxiety is something that we all would have experienced at least once in our lifetime and with that maybe panic attacks as well. I totally understand. I was a perfectly healthy woman that worked in the field of domestic violence for years. I had a marriage end, and a child diagnosed with cancer, and never at any point did I have panic attacks. Then after the chemo treatments with my son were finished, I bought a house and once I got settled into the house, my world began to fall into pieces.

I began experiencing the worst anxiety I could have imagined. I had such enormous fear that seemed to
come out of nowhere. I managed to get myself into work but most days I didn’t want to leave my house
or see my friends and family because I felt like I was dying. I was sent to the hospital twice from work
and as I was lying in the back of the ambulance they asked if I had ever had anxiety before. I shook my
head and said, “Anxiety, I don’t have anxiety!” I left an abusive marriage, my six-year-old son had been
diagnosed with cancer and I worked in the field of crisis! I have NEVER had anxiety! How could they
think this was that?

I never imagined that anxiety was that bad and that I, having lived through so much, was experiencing
panic attacks and extreme anxiety. Well, there was no more denying that I was indeed experiencing
anxiety. I battled it for a long time until I was tired of fighting it, tired of hiding. I felt exhausted and ill
and I began to accept the fact that I had to get this under control because I had two small children at
home and I felt like I was sinking more and more all the time.

I did a lot of searching and found out a lot about anxiety and was able to totally get rid of it. The
interesting thing was, that there was more going on than most people realize. I stumbled
across Ayurveda, which is the oldest healing system on the planet. I learned a whole bunch about my
body, and what was happening and I started a path of healing.

Anxiety was not just a mindset problem, it is much more than that! I had gone on a spiritual path that
brought me to a place of learning about trauma, food, mindfulness, and Ayurveda. I was shocked that
there was so much around anxiety and that so much of it and what I was learning was never spoken
about. At least I never saw any of it anywhere I had to experience it, research it, and stumbled across
things that uncovered to me, a complete body, mind, and soul blueprint so to speak. I want to share that
with you.

Truth #1 – Trauma stores as energy in the body- After I grabbed a hold of my anxiety I did a lot of deep
thinking and feeling and it dawned on me that I left my marriage because my husband became abusive
and it took a while (not to long) to leave the marriage, but it was very traumatic for me. My Son being
diagnosed with cancer and going through a year of chemo with him on my own was extremely
traumatic and scary. All of these things affect us within the body/mind whether we are aware of it or
not. Thoughts are energy and that energy gets stored within the body when you are worrying about all
of the things I was worrying about while I sat next to my little boy and don’t think I ever wrote things
down in a journal or talked to anyone about how I was feeling. In fact, most of that time is a blur.

Truth #2 – Anxiety in Ayurveda is said to be caused by an imbalance of a “dosha”. In Sanskrit, a dosha
can be translated as “that which can cause problems”, and refers to three categories or types of
substances that are believed to be present in a person’s body and mind. There are three doshas and the
elements in a dosha can become unbalanced and are said to cause disease. Anxiety is a result of Vatta
dosha being out of balance. Vatta is a dosha that is comprised of an “Air” element. Light, dry and mobile are the qualities of this dosha, and an imbalance of Vata, mentally, is associated with an overabundance of lightness or movement which shows up as erratic thoughts, worries, obsession, confusion, and difficulty
focusing. The imbalance of Vata also can show up as having a hyper-excitable nervous system coupled
with trouble sleeping. **(according to the Chopra center)If you think about feeling “ungrounded” the
Chopra Center says this is the feeling of a Vatta imbalance.

Truth #3 – According to Neuroscientists anxiety is said to be a disruption of the Emotional Processing
Center. The brain’s limbic system which is made up of the hippocampus, amygdala, hypothalamus,
and thalamus, is responsible for the majority of emotional processing, and therefore, anxiety is said to be
because of “heightened activity” in these areas.

Truth #4 – Being deficient in minerals and vitamins can affect your physical and mental energy, and your
body’s health along with a biochemical imbalance in the brain to increase or cause anxiety and increase
the level of anxiety. I experienced this myself when I faced my crisis and discovered that truly my body
was breaking down because of these deficiencies.

Truth #5 – Cognitive Behavior Therapy or CBT is said to be one of the best ways to manage and change
anxiety by learning new coping mechanisms. This is in my opinion better than regular “talk therapy”
because it helps to get to your core beliefs and then you can shift those quickly.

Let’s face it, Anxiety is one of the most common mental health ailments in our society today! Anxiety
does not discriminate against age, race, religion, wealth, or country. Anxiety can creep up and knock you
to your knees at any time in your life and it is not fun! As a Woman in her 50s, I find that anxiety comes into my life at times for different reasons now, and because there is a new set of challenges, unknowns, etc but the good thing is that I am now more knowledgeable about anxiety and I have learned to not fight it, but rather take the time to look at where it’s coming from, what thoughts are creating it, and also look at my daily routines and nutrition, and it never stays for long if it rears its head.

The great news is that Anxiety does not have to control your life nor last forever! You can take steps
today to learn how to cope, bring more awareness to your body, thoughts, and traumas and begin to release the energy that you store within your body and change the thoughts that you play constantly in your mind. We know that our mind has 60,000 thoughts in a day and that 90% of those thoughts are on
repeat and once we are aware of those, and our habits daily we can make different choices.

Imagine living a life that doesn’t involve waking up with overwhelming anxiety. Going through your
day with balance and peace. Feeling like you can go out and be around your friends, family, and social activities without having a panic attack, feeling dizzy or shaky but instead feeling joy, security, and confidence that you have control over your mind and body and more importantly your thoughts.
You can book a call with me and get started on your journey of healing your anxiety and learning coping skills so that anxiety does not control your life.

https://linktr.ee/joanneph

Stephen ‘Twitch’ Boss, trying to come to grips with a life that ended too soon.

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The most searched topic on google is the death and suicide of Stephen ‘Twitch’ Boss. The world stunned by a young man that seemed to have it all, who exuded happiness and kindness and yet ended his life.

I think it always goes to show you that nobody really ever knows what one is facing in their life. Whether you are a person that to the outside world seems to have it all or you are someone that others might view as down and out is all really irrelevant.

I’m not going to try to understand, and nor should you, why he took his life. There are so many before him as well that have taken that option. So, how does someone get to that point of feeling so deeply, desperate that they never see another way out of the darkness?

I watched some videos and stories of ‘Twitch’ and saw him in this wonderful life, dancing with his wife or playing with his children. I also noticed that his face might have portrayed happiness but if you look at his eyes, there is a deep sadness in them. Was it the fact that he was in the public eye and felt he had to act or be happy all the time for people even though he suffered in pain?

There were a lot of comments on the posts of his death where people would say it was ‘selfish.’ Isn’t a comment like that though enabling a stigma to be attached to mental health by shaming or guilting someone to seek help? Does that statement help the situation here? I think that men in particular find it hard to seek help, especially if there had been any sexual abuse connected or tied to the trauma and pain.

Many that follow me as a Coach, also know that I am a ‘medium.’ I have been blessed to be able to see the souls of people’s loved ones and hear messages from them. I have, over the years, spoken or have had souls that have died by taking their own lives and I remember one young man in particular that wanted me to tell his mom that he knew he was loved and that he knew he had a good home and everything but it seemed for him, a dark cloud constantly followed him and he just was never ever able to shake this darkness that he continually felt and that it was nobody’s fault and it wasn’t because of any one thing, it just was so dark for him and he was so tired that there was no other option.

I think the most important thing that we as a society can do is to remove the stigma that is so engraved into mental health, therapy etc., and teach everyone starting in daycares and school how to meditate and change mindsets, perspectives, and that none of us are really without trauma and that it is okay to reach out and talk to someone. There is so much work around this area that needs to change but I think right now, all we can do is keep talking. When we talk about it the stigma dissipates somewhat and that at least is a start. I just thought that I would share some thoughts that I had this morning about the subject. In love and light. With All that I AM.

If you are thinking about taking your life and you want to talk to someone call/text 988 in the united states which brings you to 1.833.456.4566 for the number for the national suicide hotline. You are not alone. Photo by Nathan Cowley: https://www.pexels.com/photo/man-in-blue-and-brown-plaid-dress-shirt-touching-his-hair-897817/

‘Christmas Blues’ why this happens and how to work through it.

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Christmas time! Sparkly lights, decorations, office parties, secret Santa’s. It all sounds lovely and for most, it’s the best holiday season. So why do so many of us feel ‘blue’, depressed, or just downright ‘blah’ about this time of year?

According to The Centre for Disease Control and Prevention, it is a myth that suicide rates go up during the holiday season. There are no statistics though for people that experience a low-grade depression or ‘the blues’ during this time but there certainly are many articles that you can read out there about the holiday season and the blues. I myself experience the blues and so I write from first-hand experience. The reasons may differ but here is my view on why it happens and some tips for working through them.

  1. Comparison – There is a lot of visiting that happens between families at this time and people may feel envious or guilty because there are more presents under one tree, the decorations are more than, cards have been mailed out but you haven’t done that, etc. For some, there is a lot of self-shaming happening because we look at others and maybe we haven’t done all that or have all that. We may compare past holidays to this one and maybe there was a time in the past when we had more money, more time, more family, etc and this year doesn’t feel the same. For myself, I no longer have my parents living and at Christmas time I always feel that void or loss of them in my life.
  2. Stress is higher – undoubtedly, this is the one time of year when stress goes up! There is more shopping, more parties, more functions, more alcohol, more money being spent and it really is a high-pressure time of year.
  3. Dread of the year ahead – The ending of one year and the beginning of another for some can cause the blues. Stressing about taxes coming, tax hikes, future bills from credit cards maxed out, and just the dread of the ending of the holidays and returning to work can cause people to feel down.
  4. Loneliness – This is the hardest one for so many. Not everyone has family around them, not everyone has money to spend on presents or even for their children. Being faced with sitting alone at home without family around can be devastating.

So, how do we go into the holidays and not have to feel the blues? I think we can prepare ourselves and make some arrangements or exceptions throughout the holidays.

  1. Comparisons- Instead of feeling guilt or shame and comparing past holidays, etc you can only embrace where you are in your life now. Don’t compare your life to others, what others are doing over the holidays or even past holidays. Find ways to have a little piece of Christmas cheer in your space. Of course, I mean with decorations and holiday baking and such. You can find ways to make decorations and make your space look cheery and comforting. When you are missing loved ones that are no longer with you, it can be hard. I find lighting a candle and thinking of them is one way, also remembering your loved ones, to me I feel like that is honoring them. Tell stories of the holidays when they were with you, laugh, and remember them with love and joy in your heart.
  2. Higher stress- We can’t escape the fact that there are going to be more things to take care of at this time of year but if you are feeling stressed and ‘blue’ because you don’t want to have all the commitments that are coming up then you can plan on the events, parties or gatherings that you will go to and what ones you don’t want to go to. I love planners! I don’t know why, but I do! A good practice is to get out a planner and organize the month of December. Maybe you can’t fit in all the parties or visits but you can work a time for coffee or lunch. You can schedule it when you are out doing your shopping and running around and then it’s all taken care of in one day. In terms of money spending, you can change things up. There is no law that says you must spend so much money. In big families, you can pick names, and then there is one person to buy for. A conversation with children about charity and helping out community is also a really good experience. Buying one toy or two for them and one to put in a hamper brings them awareness and teaches them about helping out others and gives them a sense of gratitude for all they do have.
  3. Dread of the year ahead – Saving a little bit of money each month to pay your taxes when they come up, planning little excursions or trips in the new year, planning outings with friends, all of these things can help to make the dread go away because you now have plans in place and things that you can look forward to in the new year.
  4. Loneliness – You can’t change the fact that you may be somewhere far from family, but, if you are on good terms you can google or Skype with them. Make something to eat and ask that they have the camera on during dinner and through the evening. It will be like you are almost there with them! If you are alone and you don’t have people around you, get out and be where people are. Go to a church and a service, find a meet-up for Christmas dinner (I know there are many) if you skate, go out to an outdoor skating rink and skate then go back home and watch a Christmas movie. If you are struggling financially sign up to receive a hamper, or find a free dinner in your city. If you haven’t spoken to family or some friends because you had a disagreement etc, maybe now is the perfect time to reach out and forgive and put the past in the past.

It is true that this time of year can be hard for a lot of people, but it doesn’t always have to be! If you have feelings or thoughts of suicide please reach out and call 1.833.456.4566 Talk Suicide Canada or if you are in the United States 1-800-784-2433 or if you are a Veteran dial 988 then press one. There is help out there for you.

You can find me of course at www.joannehughescoaching.ca reach out anytime. With all that I AM…..

Photo by Vijay Sadasivuni: https://www.pexels.com/photo/depressed-young-man-with-blurred-head-in-dark-room-3833370/

5 Ways To Forgive And Move On.

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Forgiving seems like the hardest of all things to do sometimes, but the truth is, that it really isn’t and it is more damaging to you if you can’t forgive because it creates triggers, blocked energy, low vibration, and anger or shame within your being. All of this triggers your fight or flight response and will affect your physical health with higher blood pressure, diabetes, chronic pain, autoimmune response, and adrenal fatigue but when you forgive and can let go, then you can become calm, have more peace within your being, less stress, less guilt and shame and you can restore good health.

I’m not saying that you shouldn’t grieve because that’s part of letting go. Go ahead and cry, and scream and then sit down and try these 5 things to forgive:

  1. Journal Your Experience– Sit down and write how you feel, go back in your mind to that time and look at it as though you are not involved, not a part of it, and be open to what might be happening that you didn’t see at the beginning.
  2. Look At The Situation With Empathy- You know, we all go through times in our lives when we may be in a really bad space for whatever reason and our judgment is clouded, or we make the wrong decision or we react in a bad way to someone or something someone has said. We just never know what is happening at that time for someone. Looking at a situation from the outside with empathy and trying to understand why someone did or said what they did can help to soften, possibly, the hurt that you felt and maybe see the pain someone else might have been feeling.
  3. Find The Silver Lining– I know this one may not sit well with some and I know if it doesn’t it’s because there is still too much pain and hurt. Every bad thing someone does to us can have a silver lining. It is ALWAYS in our darkest times, and greatest struggles that we find our brightest light within us. The human will to survive and rise above always comes out when we are at our worst. Some may not have made the choice to rise above, but most when they hit rock bottom will find a way back to the light. You for certain will have changed, become stronger, etc. because of certain experiences. Find them.
  4. Feel Gratitude For Where You Stand Now– When my ex-husband became obsessive, abusive, and controlling I became very ill, lost weight, and felt fear. The strength and courage it took for me to walk away forever will remind me of how I am in control of my life. I feel grateful that I walked away and for the life, I have now because I walked away.
  5. Forgive Yourself And Forgive The Others– I know people and I know that there is a constant chatter in our mind that sounds like “maybe if I…. , “I should have”, etc. Maybe you didn’t have a choice, or maybe you did but whatever the situation is, forgive yourself. It’s most likely in the past now and you should never carry guilt, shame, or judgment for yourself now.

Not being able to forgive someone or yourself is one of the darkest of all energies and is also one of the most damaging to not only the soul but to your physical body. When you forgive and can move on you will experience such freedom and begin to let joy into your life again. * Photo by omar alnahi: https://www.pexels.com/photo/person-putting-palm-on-face-while-holding-prayer-beads-18494/

Spring Means Trouble For Some Children, and here is why.

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Parents, did you know that Springtime is a time that some kids will produce more mucous and will have trouble with #allergies, #colds, #asthma, and #bronchial inflammatory symptoms? In the ancient science of #Ayurveda, they talk about three (3) doshas, which are the governing agents of physiology. These doshas help you to understand your child more in terms of the mental, emotional, behavioral, and physical attributes of each child. Understanding your child’s dosha helps you to understand and identify potential problem behaviors, challenges, and illness plus much, much more. In the spring, children that are more ‘solid and heavier, that have Earth-like qualities, such as; grounded, down to earth, kind, slower to do activities, warmer skin, fuller, rosy cheeks, will produce more mucus in springtime which can block the bronchioles and create breathing difficulties, the may have allergies, runny nose, slow digestion or digestive/tummy problems. Asthma is on the rise for children and we see more asthma in children now at an alarming increase since 1997 according to scientific studies. Knowing and understanding your child and what their ‘energetic and physiological’ blueprint is, as I like to refer to it, can help you to determine the right diet for your child, catch and be proactive with any issues around allergy, asthma, and bowel concerns. (*** You can now learn about your child’s dosha with my R.O.C.K.S.T.A.R. Parenting video course that you can watch at your convenience You can message me to find out more details.)For these children that produce more mucous in the Spring, it is best to avoid foods that are fried, pizza, and dairy as these are high mucous producing foods. The good news is, is that there are ways to get a jump on prevention and remedies that are right in your cupboard. Turmeric is your best defense and ally in combating excess mucus. It is a powerful non-steroidal anti-inflammatory and not only is it a classic cold remedy around the world, in Ayurveda, but it is also a preventative herb that is never left out of treating colds and excess mucus production. Turmeric also is used in treating Crohn’s disease and inflammatory bowel syndrome and not to mention repairing cellular intestinal damage. In your home, at the first sign of colds, allergies, etc, you can make a paste by mixing equal amounts of turmeric powder with honey. (never give honey to children under 2) you can give your child a tsp a few times a day. You can also use turmeric in cooking. Spices such as ginger and pepper are heating and can also help to ‘dry up’ mucous in the body. I hope this helps you get a jump on springtime colds and allergies. #ayurveda, #parentingcoach,#healthandwellnesstips, #parentingtips **Joanne Hughes is a Parenting Coach. Joanne has had a passion and love for children since she can remember. When she graduated High School she knew she wanted to work with children and youth and so became a Child and Youth Counselor working in Residential Treatment Centers with children that had severe emotional and behavioral challenges, in domestic violence shelters working with children and youth, daycares, and as a nanny. Joanne has a Nanny 911 program that works with parents of children that have behavioral issues in the home, in the school from very young children to youth. Joanne meets with the parents and creates a safe and warm environment to hear and listen to the concerns of the parents and then helps them to formulate a plan to lesson the behaviors and therefore reduce stress in the home environment. For more details message her on Facebook or by email at: joannehughescoaching@gmail.com Picture from Victoria Borodinova from Pexels.

3 Signs of Depression In Men Facing Retirement.

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I remember feeling really sad after my Dad retired. It wasn’t because ‘I’ was sad but I could plainly see that it was hard on my Dad. Men and Women often have emotions around retirement but they will experience it differently.

Most men will find ‘significance’ in the work that they do, in their jobs, and find their ‘identity’ through their work. For a lot of men, they have felt fear of judgment, and have had lots of pressure from peers, family, and often, themselves, to have the best job or make a great amount of money. In the past, men have typically made more money and have been the ‘providers’. So, what happens when the company that they work for wants them to retire and are pushed to retire early?

Being forced to retire early because of budget cuts, lay-offs, etc can be devastating. If you are aged 60 – 65 and you are laid off, or even in your 50’s, unexpectedly, it can be hard to bounce back from this. This is a major life change, with change comes loss and with loss of course comes grief. Grief has many complexities and symptoms that come with it. For example to name a few: Sadness, anger, fear, rage, isolation, lethargy, fatigue, and fear that things will never feel good again. For many years a man wakes up and has the same routine and all of a sudden he is retired early and finding another job at this age can be very difficult. Here are 3 signs to watch out for in men;

  • Withdrawn – Men may feel guilt or shame around being forced into early retirement and even when it was not a forced retirement, men may become more withdrawn as they try to deal with the feelings of being retired. These signs may be subtle such as spending time on their own more often, sleeping more, not as communicative and not being aware of those around him.
  • Digestive disruptions – feeling emotions such as guilt and shame, not feeling ‘good enough, can have major effects on our digestive system, but not only our digestive system, the stress of having to retire, unexpected or not, can trigger our trauma and we may jump into ‘survival stress’ and this leads to dysregulation. Esstentially, men easily can head to total ‘shutdown’ which leads to the body not functioning properly, including digestion which then leads to many other health issues.
  • Social Relationship Decline – It starts with being somewhat withdrawn within the family but it often spreads into social isolation and disconnection. So men will stay away from friends, from the gym, from their circles that are usually their source of support and connection. Men may often have circles that include co-workers and now that they are no longer at work they will stay away from their circles and now lack support, they feel now less confident, less useful and unworthy.

Men don’t typically seek professional help and will most often be in denial that they are feeling depressed or cut off since being retired from their work. The key is for men, is to get them to sit down and reassess what they want. Being retired can be the best time of their life with more time now to interact with their friends, family, and other circles. It may be a difficult time for sure but once they can come to a realization that their lives are ‘just beginning’ rather than ‘ending’ they can start to put together a plan for what they would like to do to fill their time.

I worked with a client that had not only been retired from his job, but had lost his marriage as well and was at a complete loss as to what he might do now, and truly felt that it was the ‘end’ instead of the beginning. For this gentleman, it only took a little bit to have him completely turn around and see that he was still needed, useful and competent.

Retirement for sure can be a huge life change, but as well, can be one of the most amazing times of your life. Putting an “Action Plan” together, writing a Mission Statement for who and what you are going to commit to now moving forward, surrounding yourself with community, becoming a mentor, etc can be just as rewarding or even more than your career! I like to create a “Wheel of Possibilities” with clients as it helps them to get clarity on what their wants and needs are and sometimes, they need to be able to shift their mindset to see other possibilities. We all struggle with change and the loss of a career is so difficult but you do not have to be silent and suffer alone. Reach out to a friend, family doctor, or even a coach to help you navigate these new waters. Having support, or community and especially having a group of your peers that are going through the same thing, in your life will decrease depression, help you to build ‘new’ connections, and give you a new network of peers that are different than your coworkers, will help to empower you to take control of your new life and learn a different way of living.

Beginning March 13th, Joanne Hughes Coaching Presents “Circle of Possibilities” a Men’s Group Coaching that is for men aged 50 plus to learn to prepare for retirement, deal with the change of life retirement brings with it, change or relationship or just to learn new strategies to cope with change.

Circle of Possibilities

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