Joanne Hughes Coaching

Intuitive Lifestyle Strategist

Trauma

5 Ways To Forgive And Move On.

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Forgiving seems like the hardest of all things to do sometimes, but the truth is, that it really isn’t and it is more damaging to you if you can’t forgive because it creates triggers, blocked energy, low vibration, and anger or shame within your being. All of this triggers your fight or flight response and will affect your physical health with higher blood pressure, diabetes, chronic pain, autoimmune response, and adrenal fatigue but when you forgive and can let go, then you can become calm, have more peace within your being, less stress, less guilt and shame and you can restore good health.

I’m not saying that you shouldn’t grieve because that’s part of letting go. Go ahead and cry, and scream and then sit down and try these 5 things to forgive:

  1. Journal Your Experience– Sit down and write how you feel, go back in your mind to that time and look at it as though you are not involved, not a part of it, and be open to what might be happening that you didn’t see at the beginning.
  2. Look At The Situation With Empathy- You know, we all go through times in our lives when we may be in a really bad space for whatever reason and our judgment is clouded, or we make the wrong decision or we react in a bad way to someone or something someone has said. We just never know what is happening at that time for someone. Looking at a situation from the outside with empathy and trying to understand why someone did or said what they did can help to soften, possibly, the hurt that you felt and maybe see the pain someone else might have been feeling.
  3. Find The Silver Lining– I know this one may not sit well with some and I know if it doesn’t it’s because there is still too much pain and hurt. Every bad thing someone does to us can have a silver lining. It is ALWAYS in our darkest times, and greatest struggles that we find our brightest light within us. The human will to survive and rise above always comes out when we are at our worst. Some may not have made the choice to rise above, but most when they hit rock bottom will find a way back to the light. You for certain will have changed, become stronger, etc. because of certain experiences. Find them.
  4. Feel Gratitude For Where You Stand Now– When my ex-husband became obsessive, abusive, and controlling I became very ill, lost weight, and felt fear. The strength and courage it took for me to walk away forever will remind me of how I am in control of my life. I feel grateful that I walked away and for the life, I have now because I walked away.
  5. Forgive Yourself And Forgive The Others– I know people and I know that there is a constant chatter in our mind that sounds like “maybe if I…. , “I should have”, etc. Maybe you didn’t have a choice, or maybe you did but whatever the situation is, forgive yourself. It’s most likely in the past now and you should never carry guilt, shame, or judgment for yourself now.

Not being able to forgive someone or yourself is one of the darkest of all energies and is also one of the most damaging to not only the soul but to your physical body. When you forgive and can move on you will experience such freedom and begin to let joy into your life again. * Photo by omar alnahi: https://www.pexels.com/photo/person-putting-palm-on-face-while-holding-prayer-beads-18494/

The Rise of Mental Health and Suppression of Trauma.

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We see it in the news, we feel it within our homes and we see the stats across our screen of the rise of depression, anxiety, suicide and addictions. It would seem there is a national crisis that is happening across the country. The fear and isolation that I have spoken about recently I see spread. I can guess that these cases will only rise. Here is why I say this;

The last two years with CoVid amongst us has kept us isolated, divided (even more so than we have ever been) relationships have been damaged, loved ones have died or have fallen ill. But the one thing that we may miss is the fact that most people are walking around with pre-existing trauma. Trauma that will have stemmed from younger years, and the trauma that would have been suppressed by most because as a child, we had to cope, and therefore learned skills or learned to adapt a certain way but what becomes an obstacle to us as adults.

Coming out of this health crisis on the planet will not be an easy task, and we see that in the world with the mental health crisis that we see unfolding. The trauma that most of us have experienced at one point in our lives, and I will say it, that we experienced as a child, will have been suppressed, not talked about (especially in men) and as a child, again, we would have learned to adapt to the pain that we felt but as an adult, think of it as a festering wound within us, that has yet to heal and as other stresses in our lives continue to mount with Covid, the devastating discoveries of unmarked graves of children that died at the hands of people that should have been there to keep them safe and protect them will only deepen and break open wounds once again.

To me, it seems like there is this pit of horrors that lay within each one of us that has experienced trauma, and it is rumbling within the people. We each need to begin to peel back layers and go back to the root of our trauma so that we can begin to heal, uncover truths and begin to understand how we have learned to carry it around with us all these years so that we could survive and then maybe the stress of the world we are in today may be understood more and we will be able to heal trauma as it comes up. At least understand it more within our being and for us to truly see that we need to connect with ourselves because we each have the power within us to do our own healing.

Standing together through grief and loss.

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I haven’t said a word since the horrifying news came out days ago of the findings of 215 children buried in a mass grave in Kelowna, BC. What should I say? “How horrible, I want to feel bad now?” Indigenous peoples across this country have said this before to the government to ask for them to investigate this very matter. It has not happened to date. I am not in politics or the government so I can’t answer this truthfully as if I was the Prime minister or anything. The point is, for me, is that the story that came out a few days ago was both shocking, horrifying, brutal, sad and it’s something that many indigenous peoples have been dealing with their whole lives.

Loss is hard for us, each person will deal with grief in a unique way. I know I for one can not imagine what this would have been like or what it is like for families that had children taken only never to return. What I can understand is that this genocide in Canada, this open, pus oozing wound that is overflowing, open and has never healed or closed properly falls on the government and the churches. It’s time to do what is right and help to clean this wound and heal the inner damage that has seeped for years down into the darkest parts of the countries very soul and moving forward, make sure that nothing like this ever happens again, take responsibility for the atrocities that happened and begin to make amends to the peoples that they have harmed over the centuries.

I have not gone through the suffering residential school survivors had to endure, I will support the people in whatever way I can. I will say a prayer, keep the children and families in my heart and support them on their path and journey to reconciliation and healing. We can’t turn a blind eye to the horrible things that have come to pass we can only stand with and make sure as a country and as brothers and sisters that ALL voices are heard in the country, in this government.

I want to also say it’s okay to feel angry, sadness, loss. Emotions should all be expressed and never apologized for.

#genocide, #residentialschooltragedy, #loss