Joanne Hughes Coaching

Lifestyle Strategist specializing in Anxiety Relief

Lifestyle

‘Christmas Blues’ why this happens and how to work through it.

by Leave a Comment

Christmas time! Sparkly lights, decorations, office parties, secret Santa’s. It all sounds lovely and for most, it’s the best holiday season. So why do so many of us feel ‘blue’, depressed, or just downright ‘blah’ about this time of year?

According to The Centre for Disease Control and Prevention, it is a myth that suicide rates go up during the holiday season. There are no statistics though for people that experience a low-grade depression or ‘the blues’ during this time but there certainly are many articles that you can read out there about the holiday season and the blues. I myself experience the blues and so I write from first-hand experience. The reasons may differ but here is my view on why it happens and some tips for working through them.

  1. Comparison – There is a lot of visiting that happens between families at this time and people may feel envious or guilty because there are more presents under one tree, the decorations are more than, cards have been mailed out but you haven’t done that, etc. For some, there is a lot of self-shaming happening because we look at others and maybe we haven’t done all that or have all that. We may compare past holidays to this one and maybe there was a time in the past when we had more money, more time, more family, etc and this year doesn’t feel the same. For myself, I no longer have my parents living and at Christmas time I always feel that void or loss of them in my life.
  2. Stress is higher – undoubtedly, this is the one time of year when stress goes up! There is more shopping, more parties, more functions, more alcohol, more money being spent and it really is a high-pressure time of year.
  3. Dread of the year ahead – The ending of one year and the beginning of another for some can cause the blues. Stressing about taxes coming, tax hikes, future bills from credit cards maxed out, and just the dread of the ending of the holidays and returning to work can cause people to feel down.
  4. Loneliness – This is the hardest one for so many. Not everyone has family around them, not everyone has money to spend on presents or even for their children. Being faced with sitting alone at home without family around can be devastating.

So, how do we go into the holidays and not have to feel the blues? I think we can prepare ourselves and make some arrangements or exceptions throughout the holidays.

  1. Comparisons- Instead of feeling guilt or shame and comparing past holidays, etc you can only embrace where you are in your life now. Don’t compare your life to others, what others are doing over the holidays or even past holidays. Find ways to have a little piece of Christmas cheer in your space. Of course, I mean with decorations and holiday baking and such. You can find ways to make decorations and make your space look cheery and comforting. When you are missing loved ones that are no longer with you, it can be hard. I find lighting a candle and thinking of them is one way, also remembering your loved ones, to me I feel like that is honoring them. Tell stories of the holidays when they were with you, laugh, and remember them with love and joy in your heart.
  2. Higher stress- We can’t escape the fact that there are going to be more things to take care of at this time of year but if you are feeling stressed and ‘blue’ because you don’t want to have all the commitments that are coming up then you can plan on the events, parties or gatherings that you will go to and what ones you don’t want to go to. I love planners! I don’t know why, but I do! A good practice is to get out a planner and organize the month of December. Maybe you can’t fit in all the parties or visits but you can work a time for coffee or lunch. You can schedule it when you are out doing your shopping and running around and then it’s all taken care of in one day. In terms of money spending, you can change things up. There is no law that says you must spend so much money. In big families, you can pick names, and then there is one person to buy for. A conversation with children about charity and helping out community is also a really good experience. Buying one toy or two for them and one to put in a hamper brings them awareness and teaches them about helping out others and gives them a sense of gratitude for all they do have.
  3. Dread of the year ahead – Saving a little bit of money each month to pay your taxes when they come up, planning little excursions or trips in the new year, planning outings with friends, all of these things can help to make the dread go away because you now have plans in place and things that you can look forward to in the new year.
  4. Loneliness – You can’t change the fact that you may be somewhere far from family, but, if you are on good terms you can google or Skype with them. Make something to eat and ask that they have the camera on during dinner and through the evening. It will be like you are almost there with them! If you are alone and you don’t have people around you, get out and be where people are. Go to a church and a service, find a meet-up for Christmas dinner (I know there are many) if you skate, go out to an outdoor skating rink and skate then go back home and watch a Christmas movie. If you are struggling financially sign up to receive a hamper, or find a free dinner in your city. If you haven’t spoken to family or some friends because you had a disagreement etc, maybe now is the perfect time to reach out and forgive and put the past in the past.

It is true that this time of year can be hard for a lot of people, but it doesn’t always have to be! If you have feelings or thoughts of suicide please reach out and call 1.833.456.4566 Talk Suicide Canada or if you are in the United States 1-800-784-2433 or if you are a Veteran dial 988 then press one. There is help out there for you.

You can find me of course at www.joannehughescoaching.ca reach out anytime. With all that I AM…..

Photo by Vijay Sadasivuni: https://www.pexels.com/photo/depressed-young-man-with-blurred-head-in-dark-room-3833370/

Are You Ready To Break Out?

by Leave a Comment

I think most of us come to a place in our lives where something overcomes us, an epiphany, a moment of clarity when we see ourselves, our life, and think “what the heck am I doing here?” Am I right? I myself have had at least 3 moments in my life of major epiphanies that have literally altered my life and my path. I truly believe we all will have moments like this in our life and they are great catapults that move us in a new direction.

I took a couple of hours yesterday to have a bite to eat and disengage my mind from the constant wheel it was on of creating to watch a show on Netflix. I found instead a movie that had George Cluny in it, also it was short so I threw it on and ate. It was about a man that travels the country “letting go” of people for companies. He was on the road 325 days a year, lived out of a small one-bedroom hotel, and called the airports “home.”

A young lady started with the company. She was hired to cut the costs associated with the expenses of travel. Her solution was to meet with the clients via video instead of in person. I watched George Cuny’s facial expressions while she was speaking in front of the company. As I watched him, I found myself on the edge of my seat, my heart pounding and my chest tight. As I watched George Cluny, he was almost shaking, you could see panic rise up in him and I stopped for a moment to check myself. Why was I reacting to this news in the way that I was? I of course continued watching until the end. I have not been able to stop thinking about the movie though.

You know that moment when you just feel sick and tired of living the way you are living? The moment your heart races, your chest feels tight and you look at your life and realize that you aren’t where you want to be and you wonder how on earth you got here? That epiphany you feel and the question you ask yourself “whose life am I living?” I think many of us will come to this place in our lives. But what do you do if you wake up one morning and look at the person next to you in bed and think “what am I doing” or you are the CEO of a company and think “this is not how I expected to feel here.”

For women, we would most likely go to our friends and talk it to death but for many men, the chances are slim that they will reach out to their friends and hash it to death. Most men will deal with it on their own, fearing how they will look to their family, their friends, not wanting to disappoint, wonder if they are a failure. Am I right here? A lot of us live from a place within our past and what we were expected to do in our family to receive love or to live up to what success meant to our parents and we try to live up to that image of what we thought was success. When you have a great job, a marriage, a house, a car, trailer, etc, etc you expect to be happy and living the dream, right?

That isn’t always the case and at one point in our life, many of us will come to that moment of realization that we have not been living the life that we imagined we would or that having everything that we thought was what we wanted and we find that we feel empty and not happy at all! Now some at this point might seek out a coach or mentor to speak to, but there will be those that will feel absolutely stuck until they realize that they are not living their life in alignment with what they truly want and then those that have yet to discover what it is that they do truly want. So what then?

I myself find that I have to take a few days and really feel deep in my being what it is that feels off, or what is it that I truly want. So, I will share my realization in the movie. I think I reacted the way I did watching George Cluny shake at the thought of not traveling and living a day to day existence going to his 9-5 job and going home to his one-bedroom was that he was running by the constant travel in his work because he wasn’t fulfilled in his life and he was searching and at the end, he realized that he had been missing love, and stability. I won’t tell you the ending of the movie but I can tell you as a writer, I wasn’t very happy with the ending at all, but the movie totally got me thinking about myself.

Closing your eyes and seeing yourself in the options that you will no doubt be considering is a good exercise. Really feeling within your being when you see yourself in these different options, and if you feel expansion or constriction, if you feel panicked or happy! Writing down the good and the bad about each option and then again, really thinking about what it is you desire. I also find writing a “Mission Statement” for yourself is a good way to feel a commitment within yourself and gives you something to work towards.

Life is forever changing and evolving. Are you ready to break out? To be free to live a fulfilling and purposeful life? After all, you are entitled to feel happy, and inspired! Are you the only barrier to achieving that?

If you are going through a similar moment in your life of not feeling inspired, or purposeful, then try my 90 min discovery call! No sales pitch I promise. I will listen and together we can send you off with some things to consider and to implement into your life today, not years down the road!

#breakthrough, #epiphany

Sexual #trauma in #men and where to begin the #healing.

by Leave a Comment

I often refer to the sexual #trauma of men in our country as “The Crisis”, countless people that come into my life and that I get to connect with have had some form of sexual #trauma. The numbers are crazy! In 1998 in the U.S 1 in 6 men experienced sexual abuse and 2.78 million men were the victims of attempted or completed rape. Meanwhile, in Canada, 11 Million from the age of 15 and up. Let’s just take a moment to let those stats sink in.

Most men don’t report these crimes. Instead, they live with guilt, shame, anger, and have a higher risk of alcoholism, depression, and suicide. Men and women both experience post-traumatic stress symptoms and emotional issues, yet there seems to still be a reluctance to recognize and validate the amount of pain this causes. Why is that? Sexual trauma, if not dealt with, has lifelong effects on both men and women. I think as a society and as a parent, we don’t want to believe that our children, especially our sons, have been put in a situation that puts our children at risk. We can not always know though who is safe and who is not. Sometimes, the parent has to realize that they are human and it is not always their fault, but rather deal with the emotions and feelings of the child.

Men often worry about the sexuality as a man but then as an adult might not fully express themselves for fear of being judged or ostracized by peers or family so it feels more safe to keep it to themselves. There is fear around being vulnerable and having others shame them for their own sexuality or even question their masculinity. I also read an article that in Canada their are 3….yes only 3 organizations that address this. Shameful!

In my opinion, the only way to begin to heal is to have more conversations around this topic, to be open to hearing about sexual trauma experienced by a male. I know that it can be difficult for people to hear, although I don’t understand why a person would be too uncomfortable hearing about trauma to not want to allow open and safe space to hear the stories of abuse. So how do men begin to heal from trauma?

  1. First, know that assault is not a fault of yours! It is usually perpetrated by someone in a position of power or authority. You didn’t ask for this to happen.
  2. I have found at least in my lifetime, that when we work through trauma ourselves, we tend to “re-live” our trauma, or go towards situations where we can work through that trauma. The victims may feel guilty because they may go back to that memory and find some piece of pleasure in it and then worry about their sexuality and feel guilt.
  3. Find a professional or a friend that you know you can trust and talk about it. Work through it. Getting to a place where you accept what happened to you, acknowledge to yourself that it wasn’t YOUR fault and that it is not who you are!
  4. Writing in a journal daily to help the feelings and thoughts in your head get down on paper to help process the experience, thoughts and emotions that surround the trauma.
  5. I find that the biggest thing with trauma, is not to deal with it alone. Bringing it up for the first time will be the hardest thing about it. Understanding that you are Ok, that you are human, and that you can work through this and not be free of it, but to possibly know that your trauma and abuse that happened when you were a child, will not happen now. To realize that you, as an adult, can protect yourself, and not have to experience it again. Talk and keep talking.
  6. Self-love. loving yourself, finding joy in your life. Recreating a mission for yourself! Finding meaning and purpose in something in your life. This keeps you moving forward with focus.

Men have difficulty acknowledging their experience as being traumatic. The average age for a male to seek help is roughly 45 years of age and I hear that men always wish they had went a lot sooner. You are not alone, seek help, heal the wounds.

Joanne Hughes is a Men’s Breakthrough Coach specializing in Trauma and Depression. Joanne’s program “Mission Im-possible” helps to break through negative self-talk and mindsets to see the possibilities of greatness and to inspire the process of rewriting a mission statement of self to go forward fearlessly with acceptance and love into the future.

How to experience Joy and Light when you feel the light in you has dimmed.

by Leave a Comment

I recently began to notice that my mood has been pretty “bland”, well let’s say for a few months….maybe even since returning back from Mexico(which was August), I wonder if it’s been a theme for a lot of people? After all, we have been living with uncertainty, anxiety, and even some with fear, and in general, it’s almost as if when our world slowed down so did our spirit, at least I know mine did. I will totally admit here that I’ve felt grumpier, snappy -er, and I’ve had to really get deep with myself and feel what has been going on with me lately.

Being in a “Concrete” jungle seems to mess with me somewhat and the noise levels in cities are extreme. I guess most would get used to this, but for myself, and I know many others, being able to unplug, leave the cell phone off, etc, etc is the way to go! I found myself any day that I could, jumping in my car and heading out of the city, out of the noise and distraction. I’ve also found myself not wanting to go back home! So, I knew I had to make some changes fast! So, here is how I brought Joy and Light back into my world:

  1. Get Out of the City and Into Nature – I will say, that I live in a beautiful province and there are so many opportunities to not have to go too far to experience peace and calm. Getting out of the city and into the forest or to the mountains helps clear the mind and body. When you are walking along the river or through a wooded area you have to stop and look around! I feel so grateful for the beauty, peacefulness, and wisdom that nature holds.
  2. You Are Alive! – Just stopping to realize that I got another day to be better than yesterday, another day to be with my kids is something that brings joy back into my life!
  3. Center and Go Within – I tend to sit near water, which is usually a river, and just closing my eyes and breathing is a way of connecting to nature and my center. I feel the sun touch my cheek, feel the breeze caress me softly and there is nothing except stillness. I like to refer to this as “Home”. We are always home when we find the balance within our being that will charge our energy, vitality, emotional state, and the place where all the answers we seek live.
  4. Routine/Goals – When we have “forward” movement and have a routine, it keeps us looking forward and when we set goals daily, it gives us something to shoot for, accomplish, and achieve.

I know we can all get caught up in negativity and stuck up in our minds but by taking stock throughout the day of how our energy levels feel, how our mood feels, and our body, then we can bring ourselves back to a moment, back to “home” and re-center and re-focus on joy and light, after all, we are beings of love. I hope you all find your way back home. #refresh, #wellness,

Find Your Joy and Re-position Your Purpose and Passion.

If you want to get out of the rut you are in now, find more purpose then let’s chat!

email me

Transforming the way we lead others and ourselves.

by Leave a Comment

I am going to share a very personal detail with you all today. I share it with you because it is the start of my journey and where my story begins. I was adopted at the age of 8 months old. Almost a year old. We all know how important the first year of our life is. I am going to say mostly for security and love. What happens to someone when there is none of that in the beginning years.

Everyone is different we know this, so I can only speak for myself here. For me, I felt that piece of abandonment early on. I felt that my parents were going to leave me every time they left the house. Although I know my siblings did not mean for me to feel this way, every time I was told that I was adopted and not really a part of this family, those feelings of fear, security, having no family, and safety always were triggered.

I spent the first part of my life in constant fear, in constant “flight or fight” mode. I always had to make sure I had security/safety and love. For me, I did anything to make sure this happened, which made me a “people pleaser”. Also, I had feelings of not being enough, feeling unworthy. I mean come on! If my own flesh and blood gave me away how good could I be?

For me, this all equated to silence. I was given up, unloved, didn’t belong, wasn’t wanted. All of these stories defined my life early on. As a young girl, I sat in class quietly praying that the teacher wouldn’t call on me, that I would not have to stand up in class and have people notice me. I was often bullied and picked on so I befriended a girl that was strong, bold, and very tough. I still kept quiet because I felt unsafe in almost every situation in my life.

The funny thing being is that from Grade 4, even though I tried so hard to be invisible and unheard, the experiences and lessons that surrounded me were all about being seen, being heard, and being very visible. I was very developed early on so had the adoration, curiosity of boys at an early age. People became drawn to me, whether I wanted that or not. I had to quickly learn to adapt.

These feelings and stories would follow me as a young adult but there were times where I had many A-ha moments and realizations about myself, life in general and I began to learn and grow. The first part, was that I was different, and this may have been part of my story, but I began to feel things around me, know things before they happened. Truth is, I didn’t really consider myself a psychic medium until mid-life. Part of the seeing and hearing things that just were not there, fuelled by fear and security issues. I would later come to accept this and learn how to live with it.

The other part was, that I had a voice, nobody was coming to make me feel happy, safe, loved, that all of this was something I had to do for myself. I was shown many examples of all of these things, I was given many, many opportunities to practice learning how to be on my own and good enough and worthy enough. I became a counselor and listened to many stories over a period of over 20 years, of struggle, hardship, fear, abuse, and trauma. I saw strength in all the women I spoke to, therefore, I began to see the strength in me. I also had two beautiful children that I raised on my own and each of them has mirrored to me love, strength and taught me some pretty important life lessons. The ex-husband that became abusive to me as well taught me the most important lesson of my ability to keep myself and my children safe, that I was a strong individual that could keep herself and her children safe. It is in all of these darker moments in life that we begin to transform how we view ourselves, how we view the world around us and how we will decide to lead in our life.

There are many times within my life that I struggled and overcome the many challenges that life presented over and over again. I got to write some of my story in the book “Ignite Your Life for Conscious Leaders” which can be purchased right here on my website! There are many stories of people like you and me that had the tenacity through life to keep going through tough and challenging times. My story begins on page 237. I hope you find some inspiration from the stories in the book and the ignite steps that are at the end of every individual story.

With all that I AM!

Joanne Hughes

Lessons in leadership through customer service experiences.

by Leave a Comment

Have you ever had that one really bad customer service experience, you know the one that makes you so angry you want to walk out? I had that experience the other night when I had to go out in the evening, in the snow and cold, because I needed to buy a battery for the car I was selling. I went into Canadian Tire and while standing at a service desk, for awhile I might add, I noticed the two men carrying on their conversation. There was a younger man and an older man. The younger man glanced over at me, looking uncomfortable but quickly went back to the conversation he was having, no doubt with his superior. I knew that this young man wanted to acknowledge me but his superior thought it best to keep focused on what he was doing and not acknowledge me.

Looking around the store at the other employees that were in the area where I was I could quickly surmise that these employees really didn’t want to be here, hated their jobs, were probably very hot having to wear masks all shift and were pissed off with the lingering customers that were doing last minute shopping for the day. It was really disturbing to be there in that moment. I felt bad for these people. Finally the older man looked up at me, without a smile, without a greeting and asked what he could help me with. I told him I needed a battery and with a snide tone in his voice told me to go stand over where all the batteries were. I told him that there was nobody there and again another snide comment. I felt like this was the unhappiest store on the planet. The staff were miserable, rude and irritated. Right away, I thought about leadership and how this store has gone down the drain with how they manage their employees.

I recently myself, had a job while I was out of the country, but it was a virtual job so I thought it couldn’t hurt during these times for me to take a job through the winter while I was able to work on my own stuff as well. Now, this job paid minimum pay, it was not a hard job and I had many times during the day where I’d get hung up on or yelled at, and I loved it! Why did I enjoy my job? The leadership is wonderful! My boss and my supervisor are positive people that give encouragement and compliments regularly. They also gear up in the morning with getting staff competitive but not only that, throughout the shift they check in and there is a lot of laughter. For me, I like connection so talking to people on the phones was my way to do that during a time of isolation. People also tend to tell you their stories when you take the time to listen. Through this job though I learned about leadership style and management and saw the difference it makes when you connect with people and how this shifts their energy and mood.

Being a Lifestyle Strategist myself, it made me see how I want to be with clients and how I would approach my potential customers. It also made me think about a time in my past, being a single mother with a young child of six years of age with cancer and going back to work in the field of crisis and trauma being in my own crisis and trauma. You never really know what people are facing or experiencing at any given time. Everybody these days are going through some really tough times. Isn’t it time that we gave everyone that we meet some compassion and our time, our connection? Those employees that are miserable and grumpy are the soul of your company for without them you would be doing that work yourself! Should you not treat them with respect and give them an environment with which they would be excited to go to work everyday? Where they would want to smile at customers and give them attention because they are respected themselves in the workplace?

I don’t need to have a degree in business to know this is not the way to grow a company or to grow an environment in your company or business that makes your employees want to stay and work for you and give your customers the best possible service. Just some things to think about today. Stay warm all and stay safe. #IAMJoanneandthisisME, #joannehughescoaching