Joanne Hughes

I haven’t said a word since the horrifying news came out days ago of the findings of 215 children buried in a mass grave in Kelowna, BC. What should I say? “How horrible, I want to feel bad now?” Indigenous peoples across this country have said this before to the government to ask for them to investigate this very matter. It has not happened to date. I am not in politics or the government so I can’t answer this truthfully as if I was the Prime minister or anything. The point is, for me, is that the story that came out a few days ago was both shocking, horrifying, brutal, sad and it’s something that many indigenous peoples have been dealing with their whole lives.

Loss is hard for us, each person will deal with grief in a unique way. I know I for one can not imagine what this would have been like or what it is like for families that had children taken only never to return. What I can understand is that this genocide in Canada, this open, pus oozing wound that is overflowing, open and has never healed or closed properly falls on the government and the churches. It’s time to do what is right and help to clean this wound and heal the inner damage that has seeped for years down into the darkest parts of the countries very soul and moving forward, make sure that nothing like this ever happens again, take responsibility for the atrocities that happened and begin to make amends to the peoples that they have harmed over the centuries.

I have not gone through the suffering residential school survivors had to endure, I will support the people in whatever way I can. I will say a prayer, keep the children and families in my heart and support them on their path and journey to reconciliation and healing. We can’t turn a blind eye to the horrible things that have come to pass we can only stand with and make sure as a country and as brothers and sisters that ALL voices are heard in the country, in this government.

I want to also say it’s okay to feel angry, sadness, loss. Emotions should all be expressed and never apologized for.

#genocide, #residentialschooltragedy, #loss

I am going to share a very personal detail with you all today. I share it with you because it is the start of my journey and where my story begins. I was adopted at the age of 8 months old. Almost a year old. We all know how important the first year of our life is. I am going to say mostly for security and love. What happens to someone when there is none of that in the beginning years.

Everyone is different we know this, so I can only speak for myself here. For me, I felt that piece of abandonment early on. I felt that my parents were going to leave me every time they left the house. Although I know my siblings did not mean for me to feel this way, every time I was told that I was adopted and not really a part of this family, those feelings of fear of security, family, and safety always were triggered.

I spent the first part of my life in constant fear, in constant “flight or fight” mode. I always had to make sure I had security/safety and love. For me, I did anything to make sure this happened, which made me a “people pleaser”. Also, I had feelings of not being enough, feeling unworthy. I mean come on! If my own flesh and blood gave me away how good could I be?

For me, this all equated to silence. I was given up, unloved, didn’t belong, wasn’t wanted. All of these stories defined my life early on. As a young girl, I sat in class quietly praying that the teacher wouldn’t call on me, that I would not have to stand up in class and have people notice me. I was often bullied and picked on so I befriended a girl that was strong, bold, and very tough. I still kept quiet because I felt unsafe in almost every situation in my life.

The funny thing being is that from Grade 4, even though I tried so hard to be invisible and unheard, the experiences and lessons that surrounded me were all about being seen, being heard, and being very visible. I was very developed early on so had the adoration, curiosity of boys at an early age. People became drawn to me, whether I wanted that or not. I had to quickly learn to adapt.

These feelings and stories would follow me as a young adult but there were times where I had many A-ha moments and realizations about myself, life in general and I began to learn and grow. The first part, was that I was different, and this may have been part of my story, but I began to feel things around me, know things before they happened. Truth is, I didn’t really consider myself a psychic medium until mid-life. Part of the seeing and hearing things that just were not there, fuelled by fear and security issues. I would later come to accept this and learn how to live with it.

The other part was, that I had a voice, nobody was coming to make me feel happy, safe, loved, that all of this was something I had to do for myself. I was shown many examples of all of these things, I was given many, many opportunities to practice learning how to be on my own and good enough and worthy enough. I became a counselor and listened to many stories over a period of over 20 years, of struggle, hardship, fear, abuse, and trauma. I saw strength in all the women I spoke to, therefore, I began to see the strength in me. I also had two beautiful children that I raised on my own and each of them has mirrored to me love, strength and taught me some pretty important life lessons. The ex-husband that became abusive to me as well taught me the most important lesson of my ability to keep myself and my children safe, that I was a strong individual that could keep herself and her children safe. It is in all of these darker moments in life that we begin to transform how we view ourselves, how we view the world around us and how we will decide to lead in our life.

There are many times within my life that I struggled and overcome the many challenges that life presented over and over again. I got to write some of my story in the book “Ignite Your Life for Conscious Leaders” which can be purchased right here on my website! There are many stories of people like you and me that had the tenacity through life to keep going through tough and challenging times. My story begins on page 237. I hope you find some inspiration from the stories in the book and the ignite steps that are at the end of every individual story.

With all that I AM!

Joanne Hughes

You know when you are sitting on the beach, the sun is shining down and gently caressing your face with its warmth? The feeling of calmness throughout your body….there is a balance, joy, and peacefulness that we feel and have you noticed at times not even feeling the outline of your body. This feeling is homeostasis, where your physiology is all in a state of relative balance and flow. If you were to sit right now and close your eyes, would you say you are close to feeling this way? No, not even close? When I look at the start of some days I see chaos, rushing, anxiety, dread all of these things pop “my bubble!” Is it easy then to see how our days start out either peaceful, calm or they start out chaotic, rushed? Imagine for a moment how the rest of that day might go for our children heading off to daycare or school? Rushing off in the dark of the early morning, running behind and worrying about getting to work on time, knowing that you will be late AGAIN for the 3rd time this week!! Then jumping out of the car, kissing the baby goodbye or the toddler, and rushing out the door to work. I totally understand this scene because it was my scene for many a year! Until I saw my child demonstrate to me what I looked like in the morning!

I was shocked actually the day my child wanted to demonstrate something to me….as he ran back and forth yelling “where’s my keys, where’s my purse!”, he thought this was funny and as he joyfully imitated me, everything went in slow motion as I stood and watched my young son, who just finished chemo treatment over a period of a year, demonstrate or mirror to me exactly how my day started, every day. This then would be how they start their day! Chaotic, rushed, Mommy frantic looking for car keys and purse as she rushed the two young children out the door. Of course, then it would be through the drive-through so that we could eat breakfast on the drive-in. This….this right here….does not feel like a vacation….it feels not even close to good. This, although lengthy beginning, has a point and a purpose, so please, stop for a few moments right now and imagine how you are starting out your day and how your children are starting out. This whole scene above will only manage to create dis-ease and possibly for the adult there may be a balance as the day unfolds, but most likely this children will feel somewhat out of sorts most of the day, there will be fatigue, lack of wanting to eat because the morning was filled with imbalance, chaos and fast food that will clog the whole system…..leading to digestive issues, anxiety, temper tantrums, overloaded nervous system, etc, etc… So…back to the title….can you imagine if every day felt like a vacation? The calmness and smooth flow of a vacation? What if it could be?

Knowing your Dosha ( energetic system present in your body and every organ) and the dosha of your child will help you and your child to feel like you are on vacation every day! How? Well, when you understand your dosha, you will be able to actually know your vulnerabilities and how to manage them. For instance, if you know that your child has a hard time napping at daycare and really doesn’t have many routines at home, and you know that he/she will get really angry with tantrums around the time he /she should nap you can ensure your child is eating the proper nutrition for his/her dosha and unique energetic system. There are herbs, foods, and routines that will balance your child so that every day truly feels like a vacation because the physiology, the mind, and body will all be in balance. Let’s look at the routine for instance. Imagine understanding your child in ways that you understand how their bodies and mind work? There are 3 dosha’s and each one represents an element from nature. For instance, the Vata dosha is comprised of space and air. This means that Vata dosha is in constant movement. A person that is dominant in this dosha means that they are creative, leaders, focused. This dosha needs structure but they will resist structure. For children and adults having structure creates room to play more. So the child going into a daycare should find a center that has good structure and routine and then the child that is Vata dominant will thrive! They will be more balanced and instead of seeming to be lost, unfocused, having fights, tantrums, etc the child will know exactly what comes next and therefore settle into play, and routine.

For the adult, when you are searching for jobs or you are a company that is employing someone it is beneficial to understand doshas and the dosha of your potential employee as you want to have an employee who can focus and create and be productive in the workplace. You man have someone who is Vata and you don’t want them in a department for instance that works from home as they need more structure, and if you have an employee that is Kapha dominant then they need an occasional shake-up to stay alert, inspired but they also like to remain calm and steady so knowing all of this and so much more means happy, healthy and therefore productive staff and children. I know this may seem confusing right now, but it’s really simple actually and please check back here more because I will have some exciting things coming up soon to teach about the Doshas and more Ayurveda tips.

It’s funny that I came to this point, right now, by remembering a video that I had seen on youtube recently. It has been around for awhile. Look it up when you can as it is so well done and very funny! It now has over 3 million views! It’s done by Sebastian Maniscalco and is called “when your doorbell rang 20 years ago VS now”. Ok so how do the two correlate? I’m getting there! If you watch this video you know that back when my generation was younger, dropping by your neighbor’s house for a coffee was a regular thing, phone calls in the evening, you know, those big black or beige phones that either hung on the walls or sat in the kitchen on the counter? Do they still make those? I was thinking about back in the day and also reading some research about the topic of heart disease.

I remember when I owned my own home. I lived in a town just outside the big city, only 50 mins. I had the home, the career and two young children and volunteered in my free days (every other weekend) I can remember not knowing a soul. Okay, I lived in a townhome of 5 in a row and I knew the neighbors on each side. Just to say hi as I slid into the door, and hid away for the weekend. The point is, is that we went from dropping by and having coffee or ringing up friends to see how they were or dropping by for a piece of pie in the evening or even listening to kids playing outside in the streets playing kick the can and hide and go seek. Do kids even play hide and go seek anymore? Did you notice that people were happier then? I remember. It seemed that back in my day, there was an innocence and a different feel to things.

Now fast forward to this day. With a pandemic and social distancing and isolation people seem angry, lost, depressed and even we are seeing many deaths. Your attitude towards other people can have a big effect on your health. Being lonely increases the risk of everything from heart attacks to dementia, depression and death, whereas people who are satisfied with their social lives sleep better, age more slowly and respond better to vaccines. The effect is so strong that curing loneliness is as good for your health as giving up smoking, according to John Cacioppo of the University of Chicago, Illinois, who has spent his career studying the effects of social isolation. Although it’s hard to measure social isolation and loneliness precisely, there is strong evidence that many adults aged 50 and older are socially isolated or lonely in ways that put their health at risk. Recent studies found that:

• Social isolation significantly increased a person’s risk of premature death from all causes, a risk that may rival those of smoking, obesity, and physical inactivity.1
• Social isolation was associated with about a 50% percent increased risk of dementia.1
• Poor social relationships (characterized by social isolation or loneliness) was associated with a 29% increased risk of heart disease and a 32% increased risk of stroke.1
• Loneliness was associated with higher rates of depression, anxiety, and suicide.
• Loneliness among heart failure patients was associated with a nearly 4 times increased risk of death, 68% increased risk of hospitalization, and 57% increased risk of emergency department visits.” I’ve heard of the suicides though in seniors, depression and suicidal thoughts in children and youth and the feelings of desperation in adults. According to the U.S. National Library of Medicine, studies show the morbidity rate is very high with social isolation or even perceived social isolation. Firstly, the prevalence of loneliness increased commensurate with deferred marriage, increased with two income families and with single family homes. In addition to these changes, the internet has completely changed the way we interact and connect with one another.

As I sat here and digested all this information, I thought about that video that makes me laugh so much and then thought about the seriousness and reality of this video and how much it is getting worse. I have to say, I applied for a part time position recently. It was a very flexible position that would allow me to continue to coach and write. The one thing that I found odd though and a bit unreal, was that they require you to be 15 mins from their office, which of course is downtown. Wow, I thought, that’s kinda crazy that in this fast paced world, instant gratification world, that in an ad and contract for a job they would require that you stay in the job for a year, and that you live 15 mins from your workplace. That really told me something about the way the world is going. I will be totally honest with you, it makes me extremely sad. I’ve seen people waste away from loneliness that turned into alcoholism that turned into heart disease. I see and feel the anger in the world like I’ve never seen it before.

I know that our world has changed and continues to change at a rapid rate and I for one am looking for ways to bring back the concept of “community” back into my world. I encourage you all to do something similar as well. Not to get lost in the loneliness of society or the panic and fear that is prevalent online with everything you read and hear. For me, I will be inviting some women my age, for online dinners and meet-ups once a month. It will bring me connection and community but at the same time it is a chance for us to share ideas, come up with solutions and maybe do some good in our community to help people work through some of the issues that I see today. Thank you all for listening to my rather long blog today. I am thinking of also doing some Vlogging as well so watch for that in the near future. What can you do in your community to help bring “connection” back to the community? What can you do for the seniors in your neighborhood so that they don’t feel so isolated? We all need to switch our mind from “Fear – stay away from everyone to Connection and how can we keep each other safe, yet feeling connected and valued”. That’s what’s on my mind today.

With all that I am, In Gratitude.