Joanne Hughes Coaching

Men's Breakthrough Coach

Joanne Hughes

The Ticking Time Bomb

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I spoke to a male friend the other day. As he was speaking I wondered how many other men felt this way. Do all men tend to not speak up in relationships?

I know we have all been responsible for perceiving men as strong, together, etc., but who said that men can’t be vulnerable? Did we as a society forget that men are human? Or has it been women and the feminine that has somehow helped to carve the male persona of being strong, being there when we need, having the mentality of “yes honey” but not bringing up fear, hurt, pain, or depression when they begin to feel this?

So, my Dad died when he was around 86 and my Mom died when she was 90. I can remember both my parents growing up and watching how they reacted and responded to things. I could see how my Dad carried grief after his best friend passed and how my parents kept that stuff hidden and pushed it down and never spoke about it openly.

I have learned though, through study of trauma and mental health that holding onto emotions, and not being authentic is truly like having a “ticking time bomb” inside of you. You may try to push things down, not speak your truth or become the passive one, but holding onto those feelings and emotions and just “putting up” with things is going to cause trouble for you down the road. Where you hold on to stress within your body, and you do hold stress in your body, that will one day transform into a physical ailment or disease. That’s why it is critical to deal with your emotions and feelings and become authentic.

I think sometimes we have an idea in our mind, a perspective and we perceive that something bad will happen or we will be rejected, laughed at, etc. if we speak our truth and are vulnerable. I believe that we build things up to be worse than they are. So what if you tell your partner that you are feeling scared, vulnerable, or unhappy? What if they did support you and listen without judgment? After all, men are human beings as well. We need to speak our truth and act authentically to have peace within us.

Communication is so powerful and such a gift when it is used to guide, correct, and lead. There are ways to speak and share thoughts and feelings without feeling that you will be chastized for it. As a couple, carve out time that you are completely free, completely present, put down the phones, turn off the tv and sit or walk and decide to take an hour or even 30 mins to share how your day went, how you are feeling and what you need from your partner to help you through it.

I would think of a relationship or marriage as being a co-founder of a company and it is crucial to make sure the company is running smoothly and that your employees are happy. You have to get comfortable addressing the hard topics and get comfortable with the dissatisfaction of the people in the company, but once you know what the challenges or problems are, you can get down to correcting what needs to be corrected.

Spring Means Trouble For Some Children, and here is why.

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Parents, did you know that Springtime is a time that some kids will produce more mucous and will have trouble with #allergies, #colds, #asthma, and #bronchial inflammatory symptoms? In the ancient science of #Ayurveda, they talk about three (3) doshas, which are the governing agents of physiology. These doshas help you to understand your child more in terms of the mental, emotional, behavioral, and physical attributes of each child. Understanding your child’s dosha helps you to understand and identify potential problem behaviors, challenges, and illness plus much, much more. In the spring, children that are more ‘solid and heavier, that have Earth-like qualities, such as; grounded, down to earth, kind, slower to do activities, warmer skin, fuller, rosy cheeks, will produce more mucus in springtime which can block the bronchioles and create breathing difficulties, the may have allergies, runny nose, slow digestion or digestive/tummy problems. Asthma is on the rise for children and we see more asthma in children now at an alarming increase since 1997 according to scientific studies. Knowing and understanding your child and what their ‘energetic and physiological’ blueprint is, as I like to refer to it, can help you to determine the right diet for your child, catch and be proactive with any issues around allergy, asthma, and bowel concerns. (*** You can now learn about your child’s dosha with my R.O.C.K.S.T.A.R. Parenting video course that you can watch at your convenience You can message me to find out more details.)For these children that produce more mucous in the Spring, it is best to avoid foods that are fried, pizza, and dairy as these are high mucous producing foods. The good news is, is that there are ways to get a jump on prevention and remedies that are right in your cupboard. Turmeric is your best defense and ally in combating excess mucus. It is a powerful non-steroidal anti-inflammatory and not only is it a classic cold remedy around the world, in Ayurveda, but it is also a preventative herb that is never left out of treating colds and excess mucus production. Turmeric also is used in treating Crohn’s disease and inflammatory bowel syndrome and not to mention repairing cellular intestinal damage. In your home, at the first sign of colds, allergies, etc, you can make a paste by mixing equal amounts of turmeric powder with honey. (never give honey to children under 2) you can give your child a tsp a few times a day. You can also use turmeric in cooking. Spices such as ginger and pepper are heating and can also help to ‘dry up’ mucous in the body. I hope this helps you get a jump on springtime colds and allergies. #ayurveda, #parentingcoach,#healthandwellnesstips, #parentingtips **Joanne Hughes is a Parenting Coach. Joanne has had a passion and love for children since she can remember. When she graduated High School she knew she wanted to work with children and youth and so became a Child and Youth Counselor working in Residential Treatment Centers with children that had severe emotional and behavioral challenges, in domestic violence shelters working with children and youth, daycares, and as a nanny. Joanne has a Nanny 911 program that works with parents of children that have behavioral issues in the home, in the school from very young children to youth. Joanne meets with the parents and creates a safe and warm environment to hear and listen to the concerns of the parents and then helps them to formulate a plan to lesson the behaviors and therefore reduce stress in the home environment. For more details message her on Facebook or by email at: joannehughescoaching@gmail.com Picture from Victoria Borodinova from Pexels.

3 Signs of Depression In Men Facing Retirement.

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I remember feeling really sad after my Dad retired. It wasn’t because ‘I’ was sad but I could plainly see that it was hard on my Dad. Men and Women often have emotions around retirement but they will experience it differently.

Most men will find ‘significance’ in the work that they do, in their jobs, and find their ‘identity’ through their work. For a lot of men, they have felt fear of judgment, and have had lots of pressure from peers, family, and often, themselves, to have the best job or make a great amount of money. In the past, men have typically made more money and have been the ‘providers’. So, what happens when the company that they work for wants them to retire and are pushed to retire early?

Being forced to retire early because of budget cuts, lay-offs, etc can be devastating. If you are aged 60 – 65 and you are laid off, or even in your 50’s, unexpectedly, it can be hard to bounce back from this. This is a major life change, with change comes loss and with loss of course comes grief. Grief has many complexities and symptoms that come with it. For example to name a few: Sadness, anger, fear, rage, isolation, lethargy, fatigue, and fear that things will never feel good again. For many years a man wakes up and has the same routine and all of a sudden he is retired early and finding another job at this age can be very difficult. Here are 3 signs to watch out for in men;

  • Withdrawn – Men may feel guilt or shame around being forced into early retirement and even when it was not a forced retirement, men may become more withdrawn as they try to deal with the feelings of being retired. These signs may be subtle such as spending time on their own more often, sleeping more, not as communicative and not being aware of those around him.
  • Digestive disruptions – feeling emotions such as guilt and shame, not feeling ‘good enough, can have major effects on our digestive system, but not only our digestive system, the stress of having to retire, unexpected or not, can trigger our trauma and we may jump into ‘survival stress’ and this leads to dysregulation. Esstentially, men easily can head to total ‘shutdown’ which leads to the body not functioning properly, including digestion which then leads to many other health issues.
  • Social Relationship Decline – It starts with being somewhat withdrawn within the family but it often spreads into social isolation and disconnection. So men will stay away from friends, from the gym, from their circles that are usually their source of support and connection. Men may often have circles that include co-workers and now that they are no longer at work they will stay away from their circles and now lack support, they feel now less confident, less useful and unworthy.

Men don’t typically seek professional help and will most often be in denial that they are feeling depressed or cut off since being retired from their work. The key is for men, is to get them to sit down and reassess what they want. Being retired can be the best time of their life with more time now to interact with their friends, family, and other circles. It may be a difficult time for sure but once they can come to a realization that their lives are ‘just beginning’ rather than ‘ending’ they can start to put together a plan for what they would like to do to fill their time.

I worked with a client that had not only been retired from his job, but had lost his marriage as well and was at a complete loss as to what he might do now, and truly felt that it was the ‘end’ instead of the beginning. For this gentleman, it only took a little bit to have him completely turn around and see that he was still needed, useful and competent.

Retirement for sure can be a huge life change, but as well, can be one of the most amazing times of your life. Putting an “Action Plan” together, writing a Mission Statement for who and what you are going to commit to now moving forward, surrounding yourself with community, becoming a mentor, etc can be just as rewarding or even more than your career! I like to create a “Wheel of Possibilities” with clients as it helps them to get clarity on what their wants and needs are and sometimes, they need to be able to shift their mindset to see other possibilities. We all struggle with change and the loss of a career is so difficult but you do not have to be silent and suffer alone. Reach out to a friend, family doctor, or even a coach to help you navigate these new waters. Having support, or community and especially having a group of your peers that are going through the same thing, in your life will decrease depression, help you to build ‘new’ connections, and give you a new network of peers that are different than your coworkers, will help to empower you to take control of your new life and learn a different way of living.

Beginning March 13th, Joanne Hughes Coaching Presents “Circle of Possibilities” a Men’s Group Coaching that is for men aged 50 plus to learn to prepare for retirement, deal with the change of life retirement brings with it, change or relationship or just to learn new strategies to cope with change.

Circle of Possibilities

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How The Day Of Love Has So Many Mixed Emotions and How Men Can Learn To Survive.

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Tomorrow is Valentine’s Day and I don’t think I have ever seen or heard of a holiday or special day that brings with it such a wide plethora of emotions with it. To the ones that are single, it can be the most painful of days, and even if you are in a relationship it can become pretty intense, after all, this is a day that is so different for both men and women. To women of course this is a day that they like to feel special, they want to feel pampered and to know that they are thought of. Women run out and buy a bottle of whiskey and cigar, their favorite beer holder, or a book to sit in the bathroom, then deep down they begin to stress and obsess. Thoughts of if their partner will remember and of “he better buy me something good” go through their head until they finally go for dinner or get that box of chocolates.

Men, on the other hand, will stress about what they buy, will it be good enough, is it what she expects, etc, etc. I am sure many feel the most pressure on this day as too many, it’s a silly day that confuses them. I am being somewhat silly here

3 Reasons To Write A Personal ‘Mission’ Statement.

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No matter who you are or what you do in life today I believe having a ‘Mission’ Statement is one simple way to live your best life. During those times when you feel ‘lost’ or broken and down on your luck, a Mission Statement brings you back to your core, strength, and to a place of integrity.

I see it so many times where a husband or partner, boyfriend/girlfriend, has put up blocks, feels like they have nothing left to give or their partner is just not the same person anymore and relationships end, marriages struggle, or an individual losses their path.

My core belief as a Coach and personal mentor is writing a ‘Mission Statement’. I find that often we lose sight of a goal, of a reason why we fell in love with someone, or a reason that we started a business or a job and that happens often, and it’s okay. Life is ever-changing and evolving and I for one, have taken a different road that has led me off my path before and I have lost sight or vision.

First, let me define what a Mission Statement is, a mission statement is usually used by a company to define in simple and concise words its reason for being, for existing. When writing a Mission Statement we should ask ourselves these three questions: 1. Who are you at your core, your center? In your marriage, or business who is it that you want to be? How will you make this happen? This is also beneficial for any individual on their own as well for the purpose of becoming their best self. So, here are my three reasons to have a Mission Statement.

  • A Mission Statement provides clarity for who you are as a person. This is at your core, not your perception.
  • A Mission Statement gives you purpose.
  • A Mission Statement is a committment to yourself to take back your power, to get back on your path and stand tall.

I find when a person writes a Mission Statement for themselves and the person that they want to become for themselves, their partner, or their business, it provides empowerment like no other. Sometimes we lose our way or our vision because life’s ups and downs can take a toll on us, but the most important thing is to find that clarity and just get back on your path, pull yourself together, and keep moving forward.

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With every ending comes new beginnings. Welcome, 2022!

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Well, another year down! A year that many will not be sorry to see an ending to. I know this year has seen many losses for sure, and there have been so many struggles. This year has taught me a lot, so much and at this time of year I really enjoy having space throughout the day, to move slow, have a lot of quiet time to process the year and how I feel the year went for me. I also like to journal and really look at the “big picture” of the year for me and begin to write out my intentions and goals and even strategies for the new year. (You can find some notebooks that I created here https://joanne-hughes.myshopify.com/products/spiral-notebook-2)

The one thing that I know is that there are many things outside our control and some things in our control. The best thing that we can do at this time for ourselves is to really tune into the one thing we all have control over, our bodies and our mind. It is the one thing that we can have total control over and the one thing that we can really focus on this new year. We can choose to have peace within us, practice positive thinking, eat healthy, exercise, and put into place a daily practice of gratitude to stay in a balanced state of wellbeing. Think about the people that you choose to be around and share time and energy with, what ideas and thoughts you will allow into your mind, make choices of which path you will take, and how you want this year to unfold for you! These are all within our control.

This year is ending and we can all breathe in and release any negativity this year might have brought into our space and now celebrate this new year that is upon us! I want to take this opportunity to say thank you to all my followers and subscribers, thank you for your support. I hope you all have a wonderful new year. Be safe on the streets tonight if you are traveling. I wish all of you a year of health, vibrancy, abundance, and love. Here’s to 2022! I know I am ready for it and to begin a new and exciting path and I look forward to all the opportunities coming my way! May you all find opportunities as well in the coming year! Cheers!