Joanne Hughes Coaching

Men's Breakthrough Coach

Joanne Hughes

Are You Ready To Break Out?

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I think most of us come to a place in our lives where something overcomes us, an epiphany, a moment of clarity when we see ourselves, our life, and think “what the heck am I doing here?” Am I right? I myself have had at least 3 moments in my life of major epiphanies that have literally altered my life and my path. I truly believe we all will have moments like this in our life and they are great catapults that move us in a new direction.

I took a couple of hours yesterday to have a bite to eat and disengage my mind from the constant wheel it was on of creating to watch a show on Netflix. I found instead a movie that had George Cluny in it, also it was short so I threw it on and ate. It was about a man that travels the country “letting go” of people for companies. He was on the road 325 days a year, lived out of a small one-bedroom hotel, and called the airports “home.”

A young lady started with the company. She was hired to cut the costs associated with the expenses of travel. Her solution was to meet with the clients via video instead of in person. I watched George Cuny’s facial expressions while she was speaking in front of the company. As I watched him, I found myself on the edge of my seat, my heart pounding and my chest tight. As I watched George Cluny, he was almost shaking, you could see panic rise up in him and I stopped for a moment to check myself. Why was I reacting to this news in the way that I was? I of course continued watching until the end. I have not been able to stop thinking about the movie though.

You know that moment when you just feel sick and tired of living the way you are living? The moment your heart races, your chest feels tight and you look at your life and realize that you aren’t where you want to be and you wonder how on earth you got here? That epiphany you feel and the question you ask yourself “whose life am I living?” I think many of us will come to this place in our lives. But what do you do if you wake up one morning and look at the person next to you in bed and think “what am I doing” or you are the CEO of a company and think “this is not how I expected to feel here.”

For women, we would most likely go to our friends and talk it to death but for many men, the chances are slim that they will reach out to their friends and hash it to death. Most men will deal with it on their own, fearing how they will look to their family, their friends, not wanting to disappoint, wonder if they are a failure. Am I right here? A lot of us live from a place within our past and what we were expected to do in our family to receive love or to live up to what success meant to our parents and we try to live up to that image of what we thought was success. When you have a great job, a marriage, a house, a car, trailer, etc, etc you expect to be happy and living the dream, right?

That isn’t always the case and at one point in our life, many of us will come to that moment of realization that we have not been living the life that we imagined we would or that having everything that we thought was what we wanted and we find that we feel empty and not happy at all! Now some at this point might seek out a coach or mentor to speak to, but there will be those that will feel absolutely stuck until they realize that they are not living their life in alignment with what they truly want and then those that have yet to discover what it is that they do truly want. So what then?

I myself find that I have to take a few days and really feel deep in my being what it is that feels off, or what is it that I truly want. So, I will share my realization in the movie. I think I reacted the way I did watching George Cluny shake at the thought of not traveling and living a day to day existence going to his 9-5 job and going home to his one-bedroom was that he was running by the constant travel in his work because he wasn’t fulfilled in his life and he was searching and at the end, he realized that he had been missing love, and stability. I won’t tell you the ending of the movie but I can tell you as a writer, I wasn’t very happy with the ending at all, but the movie totally got me thinking about myself.

Closing your eyes and seeing yourself in the options that you will no doubt be considering is a good exercise. Really feeling within your being when you see yourself in these different options, and if you feel expansion or constriction, if you feel panicked or happy! Writing down the good and the bad about each option and then again, really thinking about what it is you desire. I also find writing a “Mission Statement” for yourself is a good way to feel a commitment within yourself and gives you something to work towards.

Life is forever changing and evolving. Are you ready to break out? To be free to live a fulfilling and purposeful life? After all, you are entitled to feel happy, and inspired! Are you the only barrier to achieving that?

If you are going through a similar moment in your life of not feeling inspired, or purposeful, then try my 90 min discovery call! No sales pitch I promise. I will listen and together we can send you off with some things to consider and to implement into your life today, not years down the road!

#breakthrough, #epiphany

The Rise of Mental Health and Suppression of Trauma.

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We see it in the news, we feel it within our homes and we see the stats across our screen of the rise of depression, anxiety, suicide and addictions. It would seem there is a national crisis that is happening across the country. The fear and isolation that I have spoken about recently I see spread. I can guess that these cases will only rise. Here is why I say this;

The last two years with CoVid amongst us has kept us isolated, divided (even more so than we have ever been) relationships have been damaged, loved ones have died or have fallen ill. But the one thing that we may miss is the fact that most people are walking around with pre-existing trauma. Trauma that will have stemmed from younger years, and the trauma that would have been suppressed by most because as a child, we had to cope, and therefore learned skills or learned to adapt a certain way but what becomes an obstacle to us as adults.

Coming out of this health crisis on the planet will not be an easy task, and we see that in the world with the mental health crisis that we see unfolding. The trauma that most of us have experienced at one point in our lives, and I will say it, that we experienced as a child, will have been suppressed, not talked about (especially in men) and as a child, again, we would have learned to adapt to the pain that we felt but as an adult, think of it as a festering wound within us, that has yet to heal and as other stresses in our lives continue to mount with Covid, the devastating discoveries of unmarked graves of children that died at the hands of people that should have been there to keep them safe and protect them will only deepen and break open wounds once again.

To me, it seems like there is this pit of horrors that lay within each one of us that has experienced trauma, and it is rumbling within the people. We each need to begin to peel back layers and go back to the root of our trauma so that we can begin to heal, uncover truths and begin to understand how we have learned to carry it around with us all these years so that we could survive and then maybe the stress of the world we are in today may be understood more and we will be able to heal trauma as it comes up. At least understand it more within our being and for us to truly see that we need to connect with ourselves because we each have the power within us to do our own healing.

Sexual #trauma in #men and where to begin the #healing.

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I often refer to the sexual #trauma of men in our country as “The Crisis”, countless people that come into my life and that I get to connect with have had some form of sexual #trauma. The numbers are crazy! In 1998 in the U.S 1 in 6 men experienced sexual abuse and 2.78 million men were the victims of attempted or completed rape. Meanwhile, in Canada, 11 Million from the age of 15 and up. Let’s just take a moment to let those stats sink in.

Most men don’t report these crimes. Instead, they live with guilt, shame, anger, and have a higher risk of alcoholism, depression, and suicide. Men and women both experience post-traumatic stress symptoms and emotional issues, yet there seems to still be a reluctance to recognize and validate the amount of pain this causes. Why is that? Sexual trauma, if not dealt with, has lifelong effects on both men and women. I think as a society and as a parent, we don’t want to believe that our children, especially our sons, have been put in a situation that puts our children at risk. We can not always know though who is safe and who is not. Sometimes, the parent has to realize that they are human and it is not always their fault, but rather deal with the emotions and feelings of the child.

Men often worry about the sexuality as a man but then as an adult might not fully express themselves for fear of being judged or ostracized by peers or family so it feels more safe to keep it to themselves. There is fear around being vulnerable and having others shame them for their own sexuality or even question their masculinity. I also read an article that in Canada their are 3….yes only 3 organizations that address this. Shameful!

In my opinion, the only way to begin to heal is to have more conversations around this topic, to be open to hearing about sexual trauma experienced by a male. I know that it can be difficult for people to hear, although I don’t understand why a person would be too uncomfortable hearing about trauma to not want to allow open and safe space to hear the stories of abuse. So how do men begin to heal from trauma?

  1. First, know that assault is not a fault of yours! It is usually perpetrated by someone in a position of power or authority. You didn’t ask for this to happen.
  2. I have found at least in my lifetime, that when we work through trauma ourselves, we tend to “re-live” our trauma, or go towards situations where we can work through that trauma. The victims may feel guilty because they may go back to that memory and find some piece of pleasure in it and then worry about their sexuality and feel guilt.
  3. Find a professional or a friend that you know you can trust and talk about it. Work through it. Getting to a place where you accept what happened to you, acknowledge to yourself that it wasn’t YOUR fault and that it is not who you are!
  4. Writing in a journal daily to help the feelings and thoughts in your head get down on paper to help process the experience, thoughts and emotions that surround the trauma.
  5. I find that the biggest thing with trauma, is not to deal with it alone. Bringing it up for the first time will be the hardest thing about it. Understanding that you are Ok, that you are human, and that you can work through this and not be free of it, but to possibly know that your trauma and abuse that happened when you were a child, will not happen now. To realize that you, as an adult, can protect yourself, and not have to experience it again. Talk and keep talking.
  6. Self-love. loving yourself, finding joy in your life. Recreating a mission for yourself! Finding meaning and purpose in something in your life. This keeps you moving forward with focus.

Men have difficulty acknowledging their experience as being traumatic. The average age for a male to seek help is roughly 45 years of age and I hear that men always wish they had went a lot sooner. You are not alone, seek help, heal the wounds.

Joanne Hughes is a Men’s Breakthrough Coach specializing in Trauma and Depression. Joanne’s program “Mission Im-possible” helps to break through negative self-talk and mindsets to see the possibilities of greatness and to inspire the process of rewriting a mission statement of self to go forward fearlessly with acceptance and love into the future.

How to experience Joy and Light when you feel the light in you has dimmed.

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I recently began to notice that my mood has been pretty “bland”, well let’s say for a few months….maybe even since returning back from Mexico(which was August), I wonder if it’s been a theme for a lot of people? After all, we have been living with uncertainty, anxiety, and even some with fear, and in general, it’s almost as if when our world slowed down so did our spirit, at least I know mine did. I will totally admit here that I’ve felt grumpier, snappy -er, and I’ve had to really get deep with myself and feel what has been going on with me lately.

Being in a “Concrete” jungle seems to mess with me somewhat and the noise levels in cities are extreme. I guess most would get used to this, but for myself, and I know many others, being able to unplug, leave the cell phone off, etc, etc is the way to go! I found myself any day that I could, jumping in my car and heading out of the city, out of the noise and distraction. I’ve also found myself not wanting to go back home! So, I knew I had to make some changes fast! So, here is how I brought Joy and Light back into my world:

  1. Get Out of the City and Into Nature – I will say, that I live in a beautiful province and there are so many opportunities to not have to go too far to experience peace and calm. Getting out of the city and into the forest or to the mountains helps clear the mind and body. When you are walking along the river or through a wooded area you have to stop and look around! I feel so grateful for the beauty, peacefulness, and wisdom that nature holds.
  2. You Are Alive! – Just stopping to realize that I got another day to be better than yesterday, another day to be with my kids is something that brings joy back into my life!
  3. Center and Go Within – I tend to sit near water, which is usually a river, and just closing my eyes and breathing is a way of connecting to nature and my center. I feel the sun touch my cheek, feel the breeze caress me softly and there is nothing except stillness. I like to refer to this as “Home”. We are always home when we find the balance within our being that will charge our energy, vitality, emotional state, and the place where all the answers we seek live.
  4. Routine/Goals – When we have “forward” movement and have a routine, it keeps us looking forward and when we set goals daily, it gives us something to shoot for, accomplish, and achieve.

I know we can all get caught up in negativity and stuck up in our minds but by taking stock throughout the day of how our energy levels feel, how our mood feels, and our body, then we can bring ourselves back to a moment, back to “home” and re-center and re-focus on joy and light, after all, we are beings of love. I hope you all find your way back home. #refresh, #wellness,

Find Your Joy and Re-position Your Purpose and Passion.

If you want to get out of the rut you are in now, find more purpose then let’s chat!

email me

Standing together through grief and loss.

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I haven’t said a word since the horrifying news came out days ago of the findings of 215 children buried in a mass grave in Kelowna, BC. What should I say? “How horrible, I want to feel bad now?” Indigenous peoples across this country have said this before to the government to ask for them to investigate this very matter. It has not happened to date. I am not in politics or the government so I can’t answer this truthfully as if I was the Prime minister or anything. The point is, for me, is that the story that came out a few days ago was both shocking, horrifying, brutal, sad and it’s something that many indigenous peoples have been dealing with their whole lives.

Loss is hard for us, each person will deal with grief in a unique way. I know I for one can not imagine what this would have been like or what it is like for families that had children taken only never to return. What I can understand is that this genocide in Canada, this open, pus oozing wound that is overflowing, open and has never healed or closed properly falls on the government and the churches. It’s time to do what is right and help to clean this wound and heal the inner damage that has seeped for years down into the darkest parts of the countries very soul and moving forward, make sure that nothing like this ever happens again, take responsibility for the atrocities that happened and begin to make amends to the peoples that they have harmed over the centuries.

I have not gone through the suffering residential school survivors had to endure, I will support the people in whatever way I can. I will say a prayer, keep the children and families in my heart and support them on their path and journey to reconciliation and healing. We can’t turn a blind eye to the horrible things that have come to pass we can only stand with and make sure as a country and as brothers and sisters that ALL voices are heard in the country, in this government.

I want to also say it’s okay to feel angry, sadness, loss. Emotions should all be expressed and never apologized for.

#genocide, #residentialschooltragedy, #loss

Transforming the way we lead others and ourselves.

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I am going to share a very personal detail with you all today. I share it with you because it is the start of my journey and where my story begins. I was adopted at the age of 8 months old. Almost a year old. We all know how important the first year of our life is. I am going to say mostly for security and love. What happens to someone when there is none of that in the beginning years.

Everyone is different we know this, so I can only speak for myself here. For me, I felt that piece of abandonment early on. I felt that my parents were going to leave me every time they left the house. Although I know my siblings did not mean for me to feel this way, every time I was told that I was adopted and not really a part of this family, those feelings of fear, security, having no family, and safety always were triggered.

I spent the first part of my life in constant fear, in constant “flight or fight” mode. I always had to make sure I had security/safety and love. For me, I did anything to make sure this happened, which made me a “people pleaser”. Also, I had feelings of not being enough, feeling unworthy. I mean come on! If my own flesh and blood gave me away how good could I be?

For me, this all equated to silence. I was given up, unloved, didn’t belong, wasn’t wanted. All of these stories defined my life early on. As a young girl, I sat in class quietly praying that the teacher wouldn’t call on me, that I would not have to stand up in class and have people notice me. I was often bullied and picked on so I befriended a girl that was strong, bold, and very tough. I still kept quiet because I felt unsafe in almost every situation in my life.

The funny thing being is that from Grade 4, even though I tried so hard to be invisible and unheard, the experiences and lessons that surrounded me were all about being seen, being heard, and being very visible. I was very developed early on so had the adoration, curiosity of boys at an early age. People became drawn to me, whether I wanted that or not. I had to quickly learn to adapt.

These feelings and stories would follow me as a young adult but there were times where I had many A-ha moments and realizations about myself, life in general and I began to learn and grow. The first part, was that I was different, and this may have been part of my story, but I began to feel things around me, know things before they happened. Truth is, I didn’t really consider myself a psychic medium until mid-life. Part of the seeing and hearing things that just were not there, fuelled by fear and security issues. I would later come to accept this and learn how to live with it.

The other part was, that I had a voice, nobody was coming to make me feel happy, safe, loved, that all of this was something I had to do for myself. I was shown many examples of all of these things, I was given many, many opportunities to practice learning how to be on my own and good enough and worthy enough. I became a counselor and listened to many stories over a period of over 20 years, of struggle, hardship, fear, abuse, and trauma. I saw strength in all the women I spoke to, therefore, I began to see the strength in me. I also had two beautiful children that I raised on my own and each of them has mirrored to me love, strength and taught me some pretty important life lessons. The ex-husband that became abusive to me as well taught me the most important lesson of my ability to keep myself and my children safe, that I was a strong individual that could keep herself and her children safe. It is in all of these darker moments in life that we begin to transform how we view ourselves, how we view the world around us and how we will decide to lead in our life.

There are many times within my life that I struggled and overcome the many challenges that life presented over and over again. I got to write some of my story in the book “Ignite Your Life for Conscious Leaders” which can be purchased right here on my website! There are many stories of people like you and me that had the tenacity through life to keep going through tough and challenging times. My story begins on page 237. I hope you find some inspiration from the stories in the book and the ignite steps that are at the end of every individual story.

With all that I AM!

Joanne Hughes