It’s the typical scene, I’m out with my girlfriend having a coffee, listening to her dissatisfaction and her rambling about her husband and how he never does this and never does that. It’s usually the same story and I have to stop her, well first, she’s giving me a headache, and secondly, I feel that she doesn’t show him nor tell him her expectations so how on earth would he know! I also feel it’s unfair for her to put him in the “Doghouse” and it doesn’t really serve any purpose does it, other than holding onto something and having hard feelings. So I ask her, “What is your love language, and have you talked to him about what’s important for you?” Of course, she hasn’t and is not sure what I’m talking about. So, how does a man get out of the doghouse? Here are my top 7 ways for a man to do this.
- Ask her what her “love language is? If you haven’t read the book by Gary Chapman about the 5 love languages, you should. It will impress the heck out of her! According to Chapman they are as follows: Words of Affirmation, Quality time, receiving gifts, Acts of Service and Physical Touch. I think these are all self explanatory and important to know. I also like here Anthony Robbins “Six Human Needs“. One of the first things I talk about with a potential mate is what is more important to you. They are as follows:
– Certainty – To know that you are loved, cared for and safe. That he/she will be there to support and cherish you.
– Variety – is the spice of life! To know that he/she can change and grow and change things up. Not everyday being the same such as coming home, cracking a beer open and watching the news or a game.
– Love and Connection– Whether it’s making love, gazing into her face and lovingly stroking it, spending time being present and listening this is what love and connection are.
– Significance – Feeling like we are making a difference, our opinion and perspective matter. Feeling valued for the things we do, the difference we make
– Growth – Wanting to be more than who we are, to grow emotionally and spiritually
– Contribution – To give beyond ourselves and make a difference in the world.
Find out what out of all these things, which are important to her and what they mean. It may seem like a lot, but it is so big! She may not know these things for herself so maybe you both can learn together.
2. If she is giving you the “cold shoulder” ask her how you can help to make things right. Most of the time, she is feeling unheard, not valued, and taken for granted so asking her how you can make it right she may begin to open up and talk to you about what it is she is feeling.
3. Surprise her! Tell her to get dressed up because you are taking her out. Women love to get dressed up and look and feel beautiful! Just make sure to tell her how beautiful she looks and that you appreciate all the effort that she puts in to looking so lovely! Then take her out to a restaurant and a movie or to a restaurant and then to a bookstore coffee shop. What ever you do, please don’t take out your phone at ANY point in the time you are with her and if she does, ask her to put her’s away because you want to spend this time with her.
4. Help around the house – If you don’t already do this, washing the dishes, or taking out the trash, cooking a meal will help end your time in the doghouse! Women love to have a man “take care’ of her to, and women like to have more connection and together time then men.
5. Buy her flowers or a small thoughtful gift – This seems to be a lost art for most men. I see a lot of elderly men buying flowers, in fact, I saw a man weekly come into a grocery store and buy his love flowers. It shows that he values her, appreciates her and if you don’t already do this, she won’t be expecting it and it’s always nice for any of us to be surprised.
6. If you have children take them out one evening every week and give her a break to pamper herself! After all, when your woman can take care of herself, read a book, have a glass of wine, take a long hot bath….whatever it is for her, she will feel more rested, happier and might repay you in kind by being a bit seductive when you get home!
7. Last but certainly not the least important is to apologize! It’s a simple thing but it will mean so much to her to hear you say I’m sorry, I was wrong or made a mistake. This one at least gets the ball rolling.
Of course, there are so many more things you could do and I could go on all day, but I am going to leave it here. The world is a strange and peculiar place these days and it’s hard to navigate in the best of times. Now more than ever it’s important to stick together because when we are together and united, we are stronger.