Joanne Hughes Coaching

Lifestyle Strategist specializing in Anxiety Relief

Health

Sexual #trauma in #men and where to begin the #healing.

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I often refer to the sexual #trauma of men in our country as “The Crisis”, countless people that come into my life and that I get to connect with have had some form of sexual #trauma. The numbers are crazy! In 1998 in the U.S 1 in 6 men experienced sexual abuse and 2.78 million men were the victims of attempted or completed rape. Meanwhile, in Canada, 11 Million from the age of 15 and up. Let’s just take a moment to let those stats sink in.

Most men don’t report these crimes. Instead, they live with guilt, shame, anger, and have a higher risk of alcoholism, depression, and suicide. Men and women both experience post-traumatic stress symptoms and emotional issues, yet there seems to still be a reluctance to recognize and validate the amount of pain this causes. Why is that? Sexual trauma, if not dealt with, has lifelong effects on both men and women. I think as a society and as a parent, we don’t want to believe that our children, especially our sons, have been put in a situation that puts our children at risk. We can not always know though who is safe and who is not. Sometimes, the parent has to realize that they are human and it is not always their fault, but rather deal with the emotions and feelings of the child.

Men often worry about the sexuality as a man but then as an adult might not fully express themselves for fear of being judged or ostracized by peers or family so it feels more safe to keep it to themselves. There is fear around being vulnerable and having others shame them for their own sexuality or even question their masculinity. I also read an article that in Canada their are 3….yes only 3 organizations that address this. Shameful!

In my opinion, the only way to begin to heal is to have more conversations around this topic, to be open to hearing about sexual trauma experienced by a male. I know that it can be difficult for people to hear, although I don’t understand why a person would be too uncomfortable hearing about trauma to not want to allow open and safe space to hear the stories of abuse. So how do men begin to heal from trauma?

  1. First, know that assault is not a fault of yours! It is usually perpetrated by someone in a position of power or authority. You didn’t ask for this to happen.
  2. I have found at least in my lifetime, that when we work through trauma ourselves, we tend to “re-live” our trauma, or go towards situations where we can work through that trauma. The victims may feel guilty because they may go back to that memory and find some piece of pleasure in it and then worry about their sexuality and feel guilt.
  3. Find a professional or a friend that you know you can trust and talk about it. Work through it. Getting to a place where you accept what happened to you, acknowledge to yourself that it wasn’t YOUR fault and that it is not who you are!
  4. Writing in a journal daily to help the feelings and thoughts in your head get down on paper to help process the experience, thoughts and emotions that surround the trauma.
  5. I find that the biggest thing with trauma, is not to deal with it alone. Bringing it up for the first time will be the hardest thing about it. Understanding that you are Ok, that you are human, and that you can work through this and not be free of it, but to possibly know that your trauma and abuse that happened when you were a child, will not happen now. To realize that you, as an adult, can protect yourself, and not have to experience it again. Talk and keep talking.
  6. Self-love. loving yourself, finding joy in your life. Recreating a mission for yourself! Finding meaning and purpose in something in your life. This keeps you moving forward with focus.

Men have difficulty acknowledging their experience as being traumatic. The average age for a male to seek help is roughly 45 years of age and I hear that men always wish they had went a lot sooner. You are not alone, seek help, heal the wounds.

Joanne Hughes is a Men’s Breakthrough Coach specializing in Trauma and Depression. Joanne’s program “Mission Im-possible” helps to break through negative self-talk and mindsets to see the possibilities of greatness and to inspire the process of rewriting a mission statement of self to go forward fearlessly with acceptance and love into the future.

How to experience Joy and Light when you feel the light in you has dimmed.

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I recently began to notice that my mood has been pretty “bland”, well let’s say for a few months….maybe even since returning back from Mexico(which was August), I wonder if it’s been a theme for a lot of people? After all, we have been living with uncertainty, anxiety, and even some with fear, and in general, it’s almost as if when our world slowed down so did our spirit, at least I know mine did. I will totally admit here that I’ve felt grumpier, snappy -er, and I’ve had to really get deep with myself and feel what has been going on with me lately.

Being in a “Concrete” jungle seems to mess with me somewhat and the noise levels in cities are extreme. I guess most would get used to this, but for myself, and I know many others, being able to unplug, leave the cell phone off, etc, etc is the way to go! I found myself any day that I could, jumping in my car and heading out of the city, out of the noise and distraction. I’ve also found myself not wanting to go back home! So, I knew I had to make some changes fast! So, here is how I brought Joy and Light back into my world:

  1. Get Out of the City and Into Nature – I will say, that I live in a beautiful province and there are so many opportunities to not have to go too far to experience peace and calm. Getting out of the city and into the forest or to the mountains helps clear the mind and body. When you are walking along the river or through a wooded area you have to stop and look around! I feel so grateful for the beauty, peacefulness, and wisdom that nature holds.
  2. You Are Alive! – Just stopping to realize that I got another day to be better than yesterday, another day to be with my kids is something that brings joy back into my life!
  3. Center and Go Within – I tend to sit near water, which is usually a river, and just closing my eyes and breathing is a way of connecting to nature and my center. I feel the sun touch my cheek, feel the breeze caress me softly and there is nothing except stillness. I like to refer to this as “Home”. We are always home when we find the balance within our being that will charge our energy, vitality, emotional state, and the place where all the answers we seek live.
  4. Routine/Goals – When we have “forward” movement and have a routine, it keeps us looking forward and when we set goals daily, it gives us something to shoot for, accomplish, and achieve.

I know we can all get caught up in negativity and stuck up in our minds but by taking stock throughout the day of how our energy levels feel, how our mood feels, and our body, then we can bring ourselves back to a moment, back to “home” and re-center and re-focus on joy and light, after all, we are beings of love. I hope you all find your way back home. #refresh, #wellness,

Find Your Joy and Re-position Your Purpose and Passion.

If you want to get out of the rut you are in now, find more purpose then let’s chat!

email me

Are we really surprised that being outside shifts our perspective and wellbeing?

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I’ve been seeing a lot of articles lately that talk about being out in nature and the studies and such. I just find it funny is all! I mean, really people, do we not know this yet? Is it still newsworthy? From way back in the days when tribes travelled to lands that were abundant with animals, water and trees we have been outside! Yes people! Getting outside is good for your mental health and wellness in general!

Something I’m learning a little more every day is that human beings in general are not meant to be “alone”. If you knew me, you would be shocked to hear me say that! So, first let me tell you that being alone doesn’t mean being “lonely”, but according to researchers at a San Francisco aging and memory center along with the Global Brain Health Institute, loneliness is damaging to seniors and helps drive the onset of Alzheimer’s. Okay, follow me here folks, I know this may seem random, but its not! Studies show that a small intervention can improve our mental wellness just by shifting our focus from inward to our exterior world.

So, when we get out in nature, see the beauty and feel in awe, then we shift that focus, get out of our head, out of our worries and begin to look around to our external world and that little shift is what helps decrease the anxiety, depression and according to studies with seniors, this made them happier, less anxious, and gave them greater mental wellness all around. Lately, there are many reasons that keep us in the house more and more, isolated and lonely but if that is the case if you get outside and go for walks in nature you will start to feel so much better!

Oh, a word about the human beings in general thing. I really feel like nowadays people feel more compelled to be alone. I want to say to these people, “we all need connection! That’s instinctual to us and we should start to come out of our houses and gather again outside, in nature to be able to feel interconnection, strength and that heart-centered connection is what is going to make us feel like we are a part of something bigger, more meaningful, and bring us more mental wellness which in turn will change our physical health as well!

******Hey, Do you want to hear more ideas or suggestions for living a more meaningful, inspired life? Learn to have more energy, passion, and well-being? Keep watching and listening for updates for in November I will be starting up my Blog Talk Radio show again, and in the near future, I will do some Podcasts. ***********

Purpose, Passion, Mission In the Sunshine.

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I chose these three words when I began my path as a Men’s Breakthrough Coach because I saw these three words as a driving force behind an empowered man. I also think that after so many years we sometimes get “foggy” or “uncertain” to these three points. I feel that when we have “Purpose”, we work towards something, we have a focus and a path. The “Passion” is there when there is even more clarity on why we have that purpose, that focus, and why we are doing the job that we are doing….a forward motion. The “Mission” is something that I have talked about with my clients as it helps us to get real clear on what it is that drives us, a commitment to ourselves that ignites that passion within and holds us accountable to the steps, thoughts, and actions that we are taking.

Look, we all sometimes get lost in life and question whether or not we are on the right path and taking the right steps and doing things for the right reason. Mission “I’m Possible” is a program that helps you to get clear on your “right” path, understand why you might be projecting unconscious trauma’s into your current path, and how thoughts that you might be unaware of will dictate the outcomes of your current path, how they might “dull” the emotional body and your physical body which then all contribute to a lack of responsiveness and clarity to what your purpose and drive are. Figuring that out and writing a Mission statement for where your life is taking you and what commitments you want to set out for yourself helps to push us past the fog and “languishing” that you might be experiencing in your life now. Mission I’m Possible deals with the emotional body, the mind, and with a twist of Golf into the workshop for spiritual connection, community, and the great outdoors along with inserting movement and flow, you have a complete, well-rounded arena to create lasting change.

It’s hard to get out of the continual “rut” to gain enough clarity about our current feelings and bring about a more peaceful and balanced outcome when we are stuck in the office, the house and in the prison of our minds. Getting around others of like mindedness that want growth and fulfillment help to become aware and open up to greater opportunities, making lasting change and friendships. That’s what I want to create here.

You can sign up for the Mission I’m Possible Weekend here: https://joannehughescoaching.ca/product/mission-im-possible/

The early morn of my 54 year.

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I turn 54 this morning and it’s been an interesting year. I feel my energy closer to me this year, meaning that I have turned inward and have been contemplating many different things. It’s funny the things that hold meaning to you in your 20’s and then in your 50’s. This morning, looking at success and the next years ahead of me, I thought I’d share with you, as a women of 54, where my mind is this morning, and what I see for my future and the future in general.

The world is a very different place now of course, and contemplating how I saw my future in this new world, what I wanted for myself and for others. The interesting thing is a lot hasn’t changed in terms of what I want because mostly I love peace, harmony and growth. I spoke to a “Shaman” recently who told me that I walk into a new cycle in my life right now and letting go of everything from my past and beginning new is a very essential part of my journey. So as I did a lot of soul searching and contemplation of my life and the past and looked at things that might be stuck at a deep level the one thing I thought about for “my generation” was the phrase, “Kids should be seen not heard.” Wow, wasn’t that one a big part of life back in the day! So I thought of this!

So many of us from a time not to long ago who were raised as 60’s kids may have been told that they should just “go play” to stay quiet! This really did a number on us I’d say! Because we never then learned to speak up for ourselves and we the message that phrase gives to us is that we aren’t wanted. I know our parents never intended to instill such harsh “stories” into us, but the reality was that they did. So as I sit in meditation I realize why so many of us have struggled over the years. For those who have felt silenced for so long now can release that stagnation in their throat chakra to be able to speak their truth, their desires and wishes to the world.

An important exercise to do monthly I believe, is to sit quietly and think of all the messages that we have got over the years and begin to pull them out and to really look at them and then to get rid of the ones that no longer fit for our lives anymore. We always keep a part of that child within us but for some it’s about healing that piece and being able to stand up for that child within us that has been hurt or scared and walk into our next phase with a clear understanding of the past, to heal it or simply look at it and just leave it…walk on from it as it is just not who we are in this moment of our life. Soul healing, direction, stages of life are important and its good to spend time on your own, better if in nature to begin to look at pieces that make up who you are and to continually grow and re-evaluate. I think Telus said it best when they said “The future looks friendly”. I certainly think it looks friendly!

5 ways to improve sleep through mindfulness.

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Getting a good night’s sleep is important for our physical and mental wellbeing and yet so many people don’t sleep peacefully through the night, have a hard time waking up and so many of us wake up and feel worse than when we went to sleep. Most of us these days are not sleeping because our minds are riddled with worry, stress, and a constant stream of off obsessing over what is going to happen tomorrow or next month! Here are 5 ways that you can get a goodnight’s sleep and feel rested when you wake up.

  1. Journal- If you are one of these people that find it hard to shut off your thoughts writing them down will help to not only get them out of your head but also, give you a “bigger picture” so to speak. Writing down on paper and being able to read it in it’s entirety will help you gain an understanding of what the problem is that you are obsessing over and start to generate some ideas and strategies about how to resolve the problems. Also, it allows you to get the thoughts out of your head so that you can stop thinking about it.
  2. Start an evening routine/ritual and stick to it! – Having a consistent bedtime routine will help your body and your mind begin to learn that it is time to sleep. For example, shutting down the t.v. and the computer at 8:00 pm and making a chamomile tea and sitting in your favorite chair, lighting a candle, and reading a book for an hour. Signals your brain to know that it’s time to rest, relax and prepare for sleep. Having a hot bath with Epsom salts and lavender oil will relax the body and the mind. It will be something that will signal your mind and body to go from the daytime “busy” to nighttime “relaxed” mindset and sleep will become easier. Starting a nightly Gratitude journal as well will be great for your mind, when you have gratitude you feel better also it becomes an “evening” thing to do which again will signal the mind and body that it is preparing for sleep.
  3. Meditation – Learning to meditate is a wonderful way to disengage your mind that has been busy all day with thousands of thoughts and then to be able to sit in a place of peacefulness, acceptance, and love. To be able to disengage the mind before trying to sleep is very beneficial. It will also help with other areas of your life and has many health benefits as well.
  4. Distract the mind – Another way to prepare for sleep is to distract the mind from obsessive thoughts by doing a crossword puzzle or word search. This will distract the mind from thinking and focus it on something else. It might also be a soothing and peaceful activity while you are sitting in your bath?
  5. Oiling your scalp, ears, and feet – Yes, you heard me right! This is an ancient practice for hundreds of years. It is said that when you massage the scalp at night and the ears and feet with coconut oil or sesame oil that it helps the body to be able to sleep. You might also try Spiced milk before bed which is milk that is heated up, not boiled, and add spices such as saffron, cardamom, and cinnamon. These will help you to feel tired and want to sleep.

Keep in mind that it takes repetition for something to become a habit, so continue to do this every day for a month and see how your nights go. Please send me a message and let me know how it worked for you! Sleep is so important to well-being. Also, keep in mind that success in anything requires 80 percent mindset and 20 percent action! When you make a decision to act then nothing else matters! I will talk to you next week!

Joanne Hughes is a Lifestyle Strategist that helps people to position themselves in a space to be able to move forward fearlessly and realize their true potential!

Joanne can be found at www.joannehughescoaching.com